For those that don’t know what a SNAFU is, google it – if you do know what it is, you will understand. This also includes a special note to Gary McKinnon.
The Background:
Kate contacted me and said she was sick of the lies, and she wanted to let the truth spill out – and her mother would not let her speak the truth. I did pick her up, brought her to Kalamazoo and started getting her some independant support people, such as mental health workers and disability advocates. I even took her to the principal of her school to get some advise and support.
Go To Jail, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200
I then got arrested, and spent nine days in the county jail. If some of you are not familiar with the background, Kate alleged that I beat her and there was a bond condition that I could have no contact with Kate, plus she got an ex parte PPO (Michigan version of a restraining order). based on lies which I can not repeat here because of there disgusting nature.
So I was arrested for a bond violation, and a PPO violation. Kates mother called the police on me. This has me very concerned, but more on that later.
I Go Stupid
When I was in jail, I got information that Kate was being sent back to her mother, and I hung myself. I was found by a cellmate who just happened to wake up and was unconsious and not breathing. I was so scared that Kates mother would not let her say the truth, I was so scared that these lies would destroy me. I was so scared that I would never see my kid, never be able to be there for Kate during the pregnany.
I have to say that in hindsight, and having eight days to reflect on it SUICIDE IS STUPID! IT SHOULD NEVER BE ATTEMPTED UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON! Suicide is the cheep dumb way out, and never results in anything good.
The Truth Starts To Come Out
I don’t know if Kate called the prosecuter and started to admit the truth, but they dropped the domestic violence charge. I am however scared that this did not infact happen, and that her mother is pushing her to infact lie. Her mother claims not to be, but to be honest I don’t know how to believe because I know her mother has lied to me about things related to this too.
The monday after next Kate and I have a court hearing about terminating the PPO. Right now I’m having to subpena a bunch of witnesses because I’m scared that she will infact continue lying – I don’t think she will, but I don’t know what to believe and I need to protect myself. I hate having to drag people into the middle of this, but I’m having to subpena atleast ten different people tommorow. Some people tend to think I am just making the situation worse, but the fact is I can’t trust Kate or her mother right now. They have said that they are going to agree to drop it and admit the lies, but I need to cover my butt.
My Feelings About Kate
I have had nine days to reflect and pray about my feelings for Kate. It puzzles me as I can not get angry with Kate, I can get hurt and frusterated – but never angry. Kate did some horrible things to me, and I’m very hurt by them – but I still love her. I was thinking this was making me an idiot, but my case manager’s supervisor Renee explained to me that when you love someone enough to marry them and want to spend the rest of your life with them its not only normal, but is very healthy. I really do love Kate, I really do hope to work it out with Kate, and I really do hope to still marry her one day.
Kates Mother Hen
Kate’s mother is a person that concerns me, shes not a horrible person. Shes just very protective of her daughter – for understandable reasons, Kate has a disability and has made some poor choices. I do believe Kate’s mother is however too protective of Kate and infact inhibits her growth in maturity and responsibility. When you don’t allow someone to make mistakes they don”t learn, they don’t grow and they don’t become responsible.
I also heard from a friend that saw Kate last Sunday at church that Kate is doing horriblle, and looks like she is horrible. Her mother claims Kate is fine and is spending all day swinging on the swingset, but to me spending all day swinging on the swingset does not sound Like Kate is doing fine. It almost sounds like she is dying inside.
I am not angry at Kate’s mother as I realize like any mother shes having trouble letting go of her little girl. I do however fear for Kate that her mother will kill her individuality and personality by making all her choices, and over protecting her not allowing her to make mistakes.
I Am To Blame Too
I’m not perfect either, I have made some horrible mistakes. I had sex before marriage, lost my cool, said horrible things about Kate and even attempted suicide multiple times.
Looking in hindsight about pikcing up Kate – would I have done that again. The answer is simple yes. That puzzles me, but as Renee explained to me when you love somoene you do extrodianary things to help them out and protect them, things you would not normally do.
My Hopes
It is my hope that Kate, Kates family, our mutual friends and I can work this out. The truth is I really love Kate. Another piece of truth is the reason this has been so hard to me is I saw Kate’s fmaily as the family I never really had growing up. I counted on them for support and now I can’t right now.
I hope that Kate and I can riase this child together with appropriate supports in place, or that Kate and I can come to a mtual agreement about adoption. I have learned one thing about myself after learning Kate was pregnant – I once never wanted kids, but now I hope to have kids someday and I fear that this will be my last chance as Kate’s mother has said she thinks Kate will get her tubes tied.
A Special Note To Gary McKinnon
I have Aspergers and I survived nine days in a jail, and the jail I was in was a 24/7 lockdown. You did not leave your jail cell unless you had court. So shutup and quit whining you pansy.
Advise Requested
I would like to thank Deputy Zimmer who had a great conversation with me for about an hour and a half before my release about this whole mess. He pointed out a lot of things I need to owrk on inclduding controlling my impulsive actions. He told me that he thinks Kate and I can work it, but its going to be hard. He told me her, I and some of the people around us that help us are going to have to work hard – but he can tell that we really love each other. I would like to seek your advise. What advise do you have to offer?
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No advise?