Videos To Never Be Seen

Today I did something I felt I had to do, make three videos I hope will never be seen as well as send a friend instructions I hope she never has to follow.  I made three videos, one for my daughter, one for Katelyn and one for her parents in case I attempt suicide and succeed (or fail depending on how you look at it).  I wanted my daughter to know that I love her and that its not her fault.  I want Katelyn to know I really did love her, respect her, and cherish her.  I wanted her to know I’m sorry for what I did why I was ill, and that I understand why she has left me.  I made a video for Katelyn’s parents apologizing to them about this whole mess.

I also sent instructions to a close friend on how I want my funeral and where and what I want done with my property.

Oddly enough this does not scare me, it relieves me.  Please don’t think I’m thinking about suicide – I’m just facing the facts that I’ve lost the love of my life because I was ill, and am loosing my daughter basically the two most important things to me on the planet.  As her birth gets closer its going to be harder and harder.