So Katelyn has admitted lying about the accusations she has made about me on court documents, and this now leaves me in a particularly tight situation.While I absolutely still love Katelyn, I am also forced to look at the possibility that the court will ask me for input on the possibility of the punishment she may face for perjury and contempt of court. Loving someone also means holding them accountable for their actions, and I’m not going to lie – what Katelyn did was an absolutely horrible thing. I am now faced with the dilemma of what do I do, hold her accountable and ask that she be punished and risk angering her even more – or ask that the court let her off the hook with no punishment at all. On top of that, I have to think about not just Kate and I – but the welfare of our unborn child.
I also have to face the fact that I have lost many friends because I have stood up and said I am hoping to reconcile my relationship with Kate and her parents. Friends of mine that I used to call close friends, including pastors at my church won’t even talk to me because I have stated I miss Kate and I know that I love her. Katelyn and I had an absolutely great relationship at first – but we made this mistake of making it about us, not God. I know with both of us working very hard, and with the support of close friends and her family Kate and I will be able to pick up the pieces over time and start off again fresh. I know its going to be hard work, but Kateltyn is very special and dear to me, and hard work is the least of things I would do for her.
So right now I’m really stuck, do I ask that Kate be held accountable for her actions, or do I let her off the hook. What one is more loving, and what one would make sure Kate never would do this again. I know Kate loves me a lot, friends tell me all she asks about is how Zach is doing – so I have to wonder is knowing the pain she caused me enough accountability or should more be provided?
I have to say, this would be so much easier if Katelyn and I could sit down face to face and talk about all this. I wish I could have her input on this decision, at least know what she thinks. It causes me so much anxiety not knowing what her thoughts are on the decisions I am making. I hope that next Monday after court, Katelyn, our friend Casey, Katelyn’s mother and I can sit down and have a nice large lunch and just talk about the last month – and the future.
A mutual friend of Katelyn and I have been talking a lot about Katelyn. We have been talking about how her diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome makes it difficult for her to see the cause and effect relationships of what she does. I’m really hoping that all of us can discuss this – and how we can help Katelyn see the results of her actions.
What would you do in a situation like this?
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I think both you and Katelyn will make excellent parents, you both just must quit being so hard set in your ways. You both obviously love each other very much, just make sure you have plenty of support as any new parent needs good support. I can’t wait to watch you guys be awesome parents!
It would indeed be great if you were having a large lunch together.
Don’t know that holding her accountable would help her see the cause and effect.
Think of God and your child. I am sure you are doing that already.
From what I can tell you’re shooting straight, Zach. Putting God first is the ONLY way your life will ever bring you true joy. I don’t know if that will mean that Katelyn is part of your life in the future or not, but you can be sure that whatever God has for you is best ~ in every aspect of the word.
Thanks Casey
I have been really praying about it, and I know Kate is still the one for me, we just sinned a lot and crap – so were going to have to work through that.
Zach,
Poetic justice would be to tell the court exactly how you feel about Katelyn and her child, and that Katelyn had been forced to lie due to undue emotional influence from her mother, who seems determined to prevent Katelyn from taking the steps necessary to enter adult society, so it really isn’t Katelyn’s fault at all.
Best,
Aulë