I’ve been publishing a lot of bad things about Kate lately, but I think its only fair I talk about some of the good things she helped me through.
Kate is a very unique, and a very special girl. She understood me like no one else ever has, and I think ever will. She did some much to accommodate me in a relationship, that I miss her so much when she is gone. I remember the good times, and the bad times very vividly.
I remember when Kate learned that I can’t tolerate certain textures every time Kate put on a pair of clothes Kate would have me feel the texture. When we went clothes shopping we would always check the texture of things before hand.
I remember when Kate told her mother she moving to Kalamazoo, and the horrible things she said about Kate. I remember holding her and telling her it would be OK. I remember having to change my shirt because it was soaked in her tears.
I remember when we got baptized together. I remember when we got stuck in the snow bank together.
I remember when we found out she was pregnant, how scared we were at first – and then how joyful we got. I remember laying there at night talking to the child, praying for it, telling it things would be ok.
I remember our last kiss together, when I snuck up behind he and gave her a big kiss as she was doing dishes – and how she turned to me and told me she loved me just seconds before the loud knock on the door – when hell began.
Now I just hurt so much. I haven’t done the dishes since she left. The same dishes sit their, because I can’t touch them. It hurts too much.
I grieve over not being able to be their for Kate and my child during the doctors appointments. I cried all of July 2nd during the day her first OB appointment was supposed to be. I want to be their for Kate, for every appointment and when she gives birth – but I know her controlling mother would never allow such a thing.
My dog has not eaten since Sunday – he just lays in his kennel all day. When I walk in he perks up and looks at the door, but only lays back down as if he is waiting for someone that is not me.
I sit here and think about whats best for our kid. I know adoption is not it. I see how much anger Kate has towards her birth parents, and I can’t allow the same to happen to my kid. I can’t hand my kid off to someone I don’t trust or even know and feel safe knowing they will make proper decisions for it.
So I have to ask…. What Now?
Related Posts |
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
ever think Kate’s anger might be because of who she was given too and/or because of he fact her birth mother tried to abort her and instead gave her FAS
I’m just saying no need to dismiss it out of hand.
Kate was very clearly hurt by her adoptive mother. She has said that to many people – currently the thought is all of this is to try and repair her relationship with her mother.
I, too, am continually asking “now what,” although my situation is quite different from yours.
People keep telling me to “stay positive” and while that is a nice gesture it isn’t too realistic when you are in a painful situation.
I’m not going to tell you to “stay positive” because I now how difficult it is. You did it with this post, like I do, but I know it isn’t easy.
I wouldn’t try to get back together with her until she has had a lot of psych treatment because she obviously has some problems. Perhaps you should to what you can to get her psychiatric help because she needs it. If she resists, than you should move on because these types of bad things will only continue to happen.
As for the child, if you do not want to raise it yourself do you have any friends who are responsible and who would want to raise a child? My cousin was in a similar situation: she knew she couldn’t raise a child on her own and didn’t want to give up the child for adoption because she wanted to take care of the child and be there for him. Luckily her friends wanted a baby so she let her friends “adopt” the child. She was over there almost everyday, a mother figure, but the child didn’t live with her.
Don’t know if this helps or not!
Break ups are hard, and even harder when children are involved. But all things tend to happen for a reason, even if that reason is not clear right now. Right now your focus needs to be on your child, and forget everything else. Yes, even the good about Kate is not helpful to you right now. It puts you in a very emotional and vulnerable place, and to much thought directed there can cause a meltdown possibly when you need to stay in control the most. I speak of expierence when I say over whelming emotions can bring out the meltdowns. Focus on your daughter, and the steps you need to take next, and block out all else until you are at a place where you are able to deal with it all.
From one Aspie to Another.
Hello Zach, So sorry about your difficulties with Kate and your legal issues, etc., etc…. I just found your site via a link with the upcoming movie “Adam.” I’ve been in love with, loving, on again
and off again, a wondrous man with Aspergers. It’s so difficult from
my side of the relationship. I actually let him go this time because of the no sex anymore and then went with someone else. Thing is,
I love this “Aspie” man for a million good reasons and just can
not get around all the obstacles. I miss him all the time when we are
not connecting but believe we will again be loving friends. I hope
you will get through all these difficulties and find a very good and
understanding woman in the future. Be well.
You really shouldn’t be sharing this. The best thing to do is go out and get drunk and find some other broad and forget her.
I don’t drink John. Sorry.
Sharing is ok… even the taboo stuff like reactive anger and frustration… as personal as it is if that is what you’re feeling and want to express it then go for it. I confess after the last few posts it’s good to see an about face. Not because you should stay positive.. but because allowing yourself to feel and express these things will give you the momentum to swing the other way.. to see the ‘good’(too in Kate) .. to balance it all out. Not saying the neg feelings are gone.. but it’s a process.. I appreciate that you’ve shared. Thanks.