As some of you may know – I’m in the fire academy right now. Well I have been thinking about whether I should stay in. There is a lot going on in my life right now, and frankly I have my head not on straight with all this going on.The fact of the matter is we will be fighting live fires, yes under controlled situations but its still fire. Fire demands respect, a clear head, and 100 percent concentration – otherwise there will be problems. If I am having a bad day on a practical class session, I could get hurt, someone else could get hurt, I could die, or even worse someone else could die. My classmates are going to depend on me – and I’m not sure if they should depend on me.
Kate wrote in her blog today about how proud she was to have me still be in the fire academy. Kates mom even tried talking me into staying in the fire academy while on the phone today – and her and I have not been getting along much lately. But the fact is right now I not only have to worry about myself and Kate, but the safety of my classmates and our unborn child – which we have already named. That child is my first concern right now, and not only do I want to – I need to be there for that child. While the fire academy would provide me some great structure – and I’ve been trying to get in it for over a year. But the structure and discipline I need comes at a risk – and not just to myself.
I am starting to worry that I may make a stupid mistake, because I’m worried about Kate or the baby. I’m worried that stupid mistake will end up with someone getting hurt – or even worse killed. Even though were just training on fires – the fires are real.
Lately I have been watching a lot of Ladder 49 again – specifically the following clip:
I don’t want Kate to ever end up having to go through something like this. I have so many nightmares about me not being there for the child and Kate if something happens for them, and in the last few nights I’ve been having nightmares – nightmares of Kate having to go through this. I am now having to ask myself would pursuing my dream be a disservice to Kate, Our Child and even my classmates? I know thats only a question I can ask myself – but I would appreciate others input and support on this difficult question.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey my dear love,
as you know i droped out of school at 16! And i will tell you i regreat it alot.! Evan tho i am working on geting my deploma now i will tell you it is alot harder and way more complacated now.! Ya it is worth it! But its hard! But so well worth it! Now with your situation it is vary hard, you are dealing with life and death ! Just know i want you to sucseed! And i know you can do this! ! And rember i love you!
Kate,
I think that this is not about dropping out – but making sure I am there for you and our kid. Its also about making sure my fellow classmates and I are safe. With all that’s going on in our lives I questions if I can keep my head 100 percent focused on the job.
Ok now i understand im sorry about that i think i read or prseved it wrong!! Oops ya i see your point!
Most of the time, you get paid for sleeping. How many other jobs pay you for sleeping.
John and then there are days when you don’t have time to shower much less sleep.
Well, I say pursue it. It will give you something to focus on besides your problems, it will make you a better person, you can save lives, and it’s your dream.
Rudy comes to mind. It has little to do with fighting fires and everything to do with following a dream.
Plus it seems like you’d have insurance and benefits with this job, right? Possibly a good pension plan. If you ever had to go to court or something being a fire fighter would make you seem stronger and responsibler (not a word!) than you already are.
I’d get to fire academy first and work on that, focus. take a deep breath and just keep working at it and if you decide at the end of fire academy you want to do something else, at least you finished the course…
Plus you might regret not finishing…
But then again, if things are hectic for you now is it possible to take a break, to stop and then come back to it when things are a bit better? There is also that option to consider.
Good luck!
Zach…
If i can be honest, I’d say that you’re absolutely right to exercise caution. No matter what one is like on a good day, it’s the bad days that result in serious accidents: ask, for example, any air traffic controller, or airline pilot.
If you have any doubts as to if you can cope on a bad day or in a tricky situation, then it’s not the job for you. If you feel that your ‘untogether’ presence in that situation would lead to injury or death, then you are absolutely right to prefer another choice of training programme. A friend of mine, a nurse, found himself in a tricky situation without the right preparation and as a result, a child died. And he isn’t Aspie.. probably a bit dyslexic but for the very most part, a very proficient nurse… but just this once…
And it nearly took him out of the profession.
So, don’t go into firefighting to please other people if you’re unsure about how you’d be able to perform when you’re not at your best: that job demands that you be at your best all the time. That’s my advice, for what it’s worth.
I think I’m going to wait on this decision. I’m going to see how things pan out – and to be honest I feel like I need to sit and talk with Katelyn on this decision as well. She is the love of my life, and carrying our child.
You might also wish to talk to the person responsible for student welfare at the school as well. I’m sure they have someone in counselling or psychology there… have a natter with them… they may have some useful input for you.
I agree with David. Talk to some people at the fire academy. They will know if you should pursue this or not. I like your idea of waiting too. Remember the different verses in the bible about waiting on the Lord. And also, “If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5.
It is like my husband always says, “I may not know what the future holds, but I know the One who holds my future.”
My husband and my son have been able to overcome many of their Aspie tendencies, I believe because of the grace of God in their lives. I will pray this for you, Kate and your baby.