So I received another communication from Kate today which puzzles me. A relationship request on facebook.I received one of these too when I was in jail, and I approved it when I was released. However yesterday in my frustration and anger about the situation I set myself as single. This evening I received another relationship request from Kate – yet again.
Its Puzzling
To me this is so puzzling. I don’t see any clear or specific answer of what she wants. Yesterday I get a voicemail of her yelling something incoherently (I think it was her, but I’m not sure. It was their number and her mother is not the yelling type unless Glenn Beck is on). I just wish I could sit down and talk with her, figure out what is going on and try and clear the air. But I can’t until Monday.
Monday…
I have been really wrestling with dropping my motion to terminate. Kate has said she would admit the truth, that she would drop the PPO, but she also claims her mother is going to force her to keep it. This is something her mother denies. Her mother told me that she hopes Kate and I can work it out in the future but thats something Kate told me that her mother said she was not in support of.
I don’t know what to believe, I don’t know if Katelyn is lying, her mother is lying or if Katelyn is just saying stuff to vent because of the stressful situation. I do know however that I am very scared about Monday and I have been thinking about just not showing up. I know Monday could be the end of this mess, but I’m scared it is just the beginning of a whole new drama.
How I’ve Been Doing
As most of you know, I’m not doing so well. I feel very alone and isolated, and feel like I’m battling it on my own. I have lost a lot of friends because of this drama, I have lost the closest thing I’ve had to a functional family, I’ve lost my best friend, I’ve lost my dog, and I’ve lost my sanity at times.
I have been posting in what appears to be anger a lot lately, but its not – its frustration. Frustration on the entire situation has been eating me up lately, along with the anxiety. People seem to avoid me and just say get professional help, but most people don’t know I have been seeing a counselor on a regular basis. I feel like its them trying to cop out.
I just want this whole situation to end. I just want to try and make things normal once again. I want to try and fix things with Kate, her family and our friends. I want to raise this kid as a family. Too some people this seems like to much to want, but to me it seems what is right and what is needed.
I would like advise on how to handle my anxiety and whether or not I should go Monday.
Note: I edited Katelyn’s last name out of the picture for those that want to scream photoshop.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeah, it’s not all that useful when people just say “talk to a counselor,” but it is hard to give more specific advice without knowing you well. For instance, if I give you examples of things that I do to reduce anxiety and feel more in control of my life (such as regular exercise, gardening and other quiet relaxing activities, and repeating affirmations), those things might not work well for you because we are very different people.
And no, I don’t think wanting a family and a good relationship is too much to want; it’s a very natural thing. But when you try too hard, what you want can slip away. Sometimes it’s best just to back off and not try to control everything… kind of like Luke Skywalker putting his trust in the Force at the end of the first Star Wars movie.
Very good point. When we push too hard for the results that we want we tend to make a big mess of things. However when we back off (especially in relationships) and let things happen naturally they tend to work themselves out.
I’ve probably already screwed that up
Anxiety–distraction works best for me. If I were you I’d go to the library, find about ten books and a half dozen magazines, and not come out until they made me come out…
I’ve been trying to do some upgrades on this website, and update the look of it a bit but I keep getting distracted by my thought process.
Zach August 21, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I’ve probably already screwed that up
Maybe so, maybe not…..Don’t give up Zach, try to find positive ways to move forward, even tiny movements are progress. It may take time but eventually you will look up and realized that you have made a lot of progress regardless of the outcome with Kate.
The outcome with Kate is important though. Her and I can not afford to keep thinking about ourselves and continue this selfish game, we have a child on the way.
True, very true. However, maybe the best thing you can do for the child is just that, quit playing selfish games and insisting (both of you) to have things your own way.
What would be more healthy for the child to come into the situation as it is or to come into a situation with two healthy and stable parents? I am a believer and of course would want your family to be whole and together but if it can’t be then your child will need you to be a strong and loving parent.
You are completely capable of being that father, I have seen that in your writing here. I understand that as an Aspie it is difficult and probably even painful to let go of what may seem like such an injustice but if you are truly concerned about the future of your child get yourself on course to be the parent that you believe your child deserves.
Blessings!
Acutally I’ve just created a video about this whole mess. Its rendering now