When someone with Aspergers has an autistic meltdown it often puts stress on, damages and or destroys relationships of those close to them. Those need to be repaired in order for things to move on. During this last melt down, which was caused by some crappy accusations that can only be refuted by embarrassing truths, an unexpected pregnancy, an overprotective future mother-in-law, poor support from my family, my church abandoning me and stealing my companion dog caused a meltdown. It made it much worse when the people around me I depended on for support were not there anymore.
During my meltdowns I have said some horrible things to the people around me. I was scared, and hurt. I have never had a meltdown thats been as severe as this before. Now I need to start repairing the relationships with friends around me, Katelyn and her family. The thing is though, I don’t know how to start.
In order for Katelyn and I to work out long term, I’m going to have to repair my relationship with her family. When a marriage happens – or a long term relationship you don’t just date the person, you date the family as well. Katelyn’s family to say the least is irritated at me, and I doubt they would not mind if they never see me again.
My church, where I went for the past few years has been a big part of my life. Yes they took my dog, but they felt in the midst of my depression and meltdown I could not take care of my dog. I do see there point (by the way Lucky is back home and happily chewing on a raw hide right now). The major breakdown I had just before getting hospitalized was at church because they were encouraging people to avoid me until I got better, which I understand but still feel was wrong. I don’t know what to do to make this better, or if its possible.
Then I have my friends which are pretty much so avoiding me because I’m such a mess. Again understandable, but it needs to be repaired.
Kate now has a guardian and I also have to prove to Kate’s guardian that I’m doing better. Right now I can’t see Kate because shes concerned that my meltdown will feed into her already unstable and stressed out pregnant mind. I understand that, but I so need to be there for Kate right now as well.
How do I repair all these relationships that were damaged by a meltdown without getting overwhelmed and meltdown again?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Apologizing would be a good start.
You have taken the first step in realizing the behaviors that cause you trouble. You will fight any urges to give in to these meltdown tendencies. You will realize these things lead to despair and isolation. You will focus on positive behaviors to increase your likely hood of success. You will not become impatient, you will not give up. Read this message anytime you feel an urge to backslide. Remind yourself, it will be like breaking a bad habit, You can do it because you WANT to change!!!!!
Re: “…at church because they were encouraging people to avoid me until I got better, …”
Wonderful – almost sounds like they are the kind who were next going to encourage God to avoid you till you got better.
I am a middle aged diagnosed aspie with lots of experience with meltdowns — way more experience than anyone would ever want. Plus, I did not get diagnosed until recently, so you can imagine how many friends I lost and how great the cost to me my meltdowns were!
And I say this: you and your other readers won’t want to hear this, but I saw your suicide posting and am going to be very blunt.
My dad was probably an aspie, and he killed himself, probably thinking it was best for me. He had meltdowns too. Well, he was wrong. What I wouldn’t give to have my dad with me now.
To be direct, Zach, you might want to consider surrounding yourself with folks who support you and do better to understand and account for your meltdowns. Meltdowns are not something you can just turn off like a faucet. But you CAN arrange your life so that you have less of them with less severity. Sounds like the people around you who say they care about you don’t even try to have a clue as to what you are up against. Shame on them.
Surround yourself with people who are going to help you, not hurt you, or run you down, or make you feel guilty.
I realize you are very young and have not had the experience of realizing how toxic people can say they know what is best for you when all they are really thinking about is themselves. The fact that you were actually seriously contemplating killing yourself shows very clearly that the so-called family, friends and experts in your life were NOT helping you, in fact.
Finally, again to be blunt, Christianity is NOT the only religion in around, Zach. And in my long experience, none of the Abrahamic religions are good for us Aspies. I am sorry you are having to be isolated among ignorant religious people who claim to know what is best for you as if THEY are God.
Again, I will be blunt, because I think if you were willing to kill yourself, Zach, if your church buddies didn’t achieve their self profession mission. They didn’t give you the kind of love an support you needed when you needed it most. So, if I were you, I’d get another religion.
In fact, I did do just that when I was in my twenties. I was just where you are when your age, and left the church behind, and it was, by far, the best thing I ever did in my whole life. The years in the church were the most miserable of my entire life. My religious path now works for me.
By leaving the church I did better. So can you.
I am directly telling you this because I guess no one in your part of the country will tell this to your face. I’m hoping you will listen because I don’t want to see the rest of the world lose a great guy like you. We need you Zach. Your daughter needs you.
You have my email address if you ever want to talk. Or maybe someday you will remember my words when you need them.
I sure hope you read this and think about it and not get lost listening to the wrong people for so long like I did.
Too late. My Life is ruined.
Bull.
Stand up for yourself. No one else will. It has to be you.
Are you getting something to help you, like anti-depressants or vitamin B? Write me, okay?
You CAN do it. Trust me. No matter how bleak it seems.