So right now I’m a pile of mush. I’m not doing good.I’m going to be honest, the person in the psychiatric hospital that I posted about earlier is Katelyn. I don’t know why shes in there, I don’t know what the hell happened, I don’t even know if she hates me right now or not. I have spent the majority of my day crying. I’m watching the two most important things in my life right now, Katelyn and our child being ripped away from me.
Katelyn told me last week she felt the baby kicking. I so wanted to be there to feel it kicking too, but I couldn’t. I so want to be there at her doctors appointments – but I can’t. I tried calling the hospital today to see if they would let me talk to Katelyn, and I got the we can neither confirm or deny that we have a patient here by that name. I then said well if you happen to have a patient by that name can you let her know I called and then I was hung up on. My heart sank, and I have not been able to stop crying since.
I’ve now had to spend the first 5 months of our child’s life not being there, and her case management seems pissed and wants to “address” the fact that we decided to raise the child after selecting adoption. Well, as far as my end of the choice is concerned there is nothing to address – the child will not being up for adoption. I’ve been out of my child’s life for 5 months, and its the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m not going to be able to do that for a lifetime.
I’m so scared for my child, I’m so scared for Katelyn – all I do is cry. When I can’t cry no more I eat, and then cry some more. I’m getting quite severely depressed. I’m having a very hard time coping with this loss and because I’m having a hard time coping, my guess is her case management is going to try and use that against me somehow.
I don’t know what to say, what to do anymore. I dropped off a stuffed animal with Katelyn’s mother along with a letter and some pictures of us just to let her know I’m still there and love her, but I don’t even know if I can trust her mother to deliver those – or if shes just going to throw them out.
And then to top it off I found out a good friend of mine told Katelyn that he hopes she dies during childbirth for hows she treating me. And she apparently said I hope I do too. So much for that good friend, I’m afraid Kate is in the hospital because of what he said.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Zach, Whether you’re NT or Aspie, you’re a single man. Enjoy what’s left of your youth while you can. Stop whining on the internet and go out and enjoy yourself.
If you don’t have enough money to pay your rent, or whatever, then you have nothing to lose by risking what you do have on some horses. I once took the last $50 I had to my name and turned it into $900 at the track. Then I doubled it a few times and went back into gambling full time. You can’t ever win if you don’t take some risks. And, it’s fun.
I wouldn’t normally offer to tell anyone from Neurodiversity how to make easy money but you’re in a bind so I’m offering you information that I’ve gained from many years of experience. If you want to take a risk, email me.
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Actually I’m not single.
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Zach,
A wise idea. And its 1:24 AM your time, go get some sleep! Tomorrow is another day.
Aulë
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I would love to go to sleep right now, but I’m thinking a lot about Katelyn right now.
I’m trying to organize stuff in my new apartment to get my mind off things.
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Zach,
Then you need to change your posting rules. This is your website, after all. People who in your opinion, and yours alone, who waste your time and energy and bandwitdh are violating your personal boundaries.
One of the things you need to realize, because I am an autistic of decades more experience than yourself, is that autistics are often selected as targets for bullying and teasing by NTs because autistics seem easier in comparison to get any form of response from.
This is because autistics seem obligated to give all comers an equal share of personal attention. My first discovery toward appearing more like an NT was simply to decide that there were very few people who were actually worth paying attention to.
Now, if you feel that I am not, then that’s wonderful. It’s your choice, and you have the freedom to exercise it. I don’t have the right to live your life for you, and frankly I don’t want to.
But you seem to be justly suffering a great deal from some highly unwarranted discrimination from all manner of people and agencies who are trying to interfere with one of the most intimate relationships possible between human beings, starting a family, and I consider what’s happening to you and Kate and possibly this baby to be utterly reprehensible and totally horrible. It deserves reporting to places like ACLU, or even to the local news, or even a congressman.
But that’s my two cents for this week.
I’ll check on you and see how you are doing, next week.
We still remember,
Aulë
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Aule,
I welcome people stating their opinions. Even if I disagree with their opinion I welcome it.
As far as ACLU, congress, or local news – right now I want to see how things settle after Kate and I get better before more drama then necessary is started.
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Zach,
There seems to be a lot of hate going on against both you and Kate from more or less normal (NT) people just because of who you are. It is just bullying, after all, because NT people like to abuse all manner of living things just in order to deal with the rage they build up by being bullied by NT’s higher up the food chain.
And John Best is one of those. Why not just ignore his comments and not post them. They seem calculated to get a rise out of you just for his own entertainment.
Aulë
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I try not to censor comments unless they violate posting rules.
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Zach, If you’re going to keep up this crying, you should have a sex change done so your emotions will be gender appropriate. If I were you, I’d do some heavy drinking and take the picks I give you and have some fun at the racetrack. Once you have a kid, you won’t be able to enjoy the single life again so you should enjoy it while you can. Let the woman worry about the kid. That’s her job.
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John, its an acceptable things to cry.
Also, I don’t drink or gamble, thats a personal choice.
As far as letting the woman worry about the kid, thats a pretty stupid comment – its not just her job, its mine as well.
Your comment was pretty insensitive and borderline rude.
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Quite a bit past borderline, I’d say.
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