Comments on: I Can’t Be A Parent http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/ The Aspergers And Autism Web Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:08:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Alex http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13237 Alex Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:46:52 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13237 This post reminds me of a thread I once saw: http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=12544 Someone asked for advice on whether or not to have kids. Most of the parents responding don't regret it, and most of the responders (parent and non-parent alike) don't seem to think NT children are any worse than AS children (although when one looked on the bright side of her NT son's future because he has good social skills despite his low grades and one can succeed without top grades, another gave a response that boiled down to "don't you want some other kind of son, kids without social skills can get by on top grades instead)". One poster, at http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=12544&pid=193188#pid193188 , brought up this point: "If your main experience with newborns is just via TV, i highly recommend you see them "live" (in the flesh) - get acquainted to what a screaming newborn sounds like (regardless of sensory-integrative issues vs "the normalcy that needs to be erradicated")... "...If you see a mother, with a screaming newborn - hmm.... all these social ??? to seem any attempt to "HELP" as being completely inappropriate. Then again, i know of so many new mothers, being so tired of the "judgement" they face from people because they have newborns that fail to remain "silent" (NT or otherwise)... "better to have close friends, who give birth to the newbies.... friends, who would be etternally grateful, if you could just hold their screaming kid in yoru arms for a few hours, whilst poor mum'n'dad can gain some sleep... "get the hands-on experience/closeness - be there, for parents who endure something like childbirth - see it for your own eyes, before watching it through some video on a screen at a birthing seminar..." This post reminds me of a thread I once saw:

http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=12544

Someone asked for advice on whether or not to have kids. Most of the parents responding don’t regret it, and most of the responders (parent and non-parent alike) don’t seem to think NT children are any worse than AS children (although when one looked on the bright side of her NT son’s future because he has good social skills despite his low grades and one can succeed without top grades, another gave a response that boiled down to “don’t you want some other kind of son, kids without social skills can get by on top grades instead)”.

One poster, at http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=12544&pid=193188#pid193188 , brought up this point:

“If your main experience with newborns is just via TV, i highly recommend you see them “live” (in the flesh) – get acquainted to what a screaming newborn sounds like (regardless of sensory-integrative issues vs “the normalcy that needs to be erradicated”)…

“…If you see a mother, with a screaming newborn – hmm…. all these social ??? to seem any attempt to “HELP” as being completely inappropriate. Then again, i know of so many new mothers, being so tired of the “judgement” they face from people because they have newborns that fail to remain “silent” (NT or otherwise)…

“better to have close friends, who give birth to the newbies…. friends, who would be etternally grateful, if you could just hold their screaming kid in yoru arms for a few hours, whilst poor mum’n'dad can gain some sleep…

“get the hands-on experience/closeness – be there, for parents who endure something like childbirth – see it for your own eyes, before watching it through some video on a screen at a birthing seminar…”

]]> By: Theo http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13195 Theo Tue, 20 Oct 2009 05:00:40 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13195 nt it bad enough to do ANYTHING to keep your child. Even if it means working up to three jos. And how do you know that your child will not be adopted to someone in worse circumstances than yourself. You are taking an awesul risk at haing a stranger raise your child. And sometimes that risk can be a great mistake. Think it over my friend. It really can be done! nt it bad enough to do ANYTHING to keep your child. Even if it means working up to three jos. And how do you know that your child will not be adopted to someone in worse circumstances than yourself. You are taking an awesul risk at haing a stranger raise your child. And sometimes that risk can be a great mistake. Think it over my friend. It really can be done!

]]> By: Generally Not Knowing http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13189 Generally Not Knowing Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:19:46 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13189 [...] feel like I’m in a big dark  cloud, and I can’t see the sunlight anymore.  Its also very hard to grieve the loss of our baby girl when I can’t be with her.  I wonder how shes doing, I wonder if shes feeling as crappy as I [...] [...] feel like I’m in a big dark  cloud, and I can’t see the sunlight anymore.  Its also very hard to grieve the loss of our baby girl when I can’t be with her.  I wonder how shes doing, I wonder if shes feeling as crappy as I [...]

]]> By: Gavin Bollard http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13187 Gavin Bollard Sun, 18 Oct 2009 21:36:42 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13187 Zach, Nobody is ever ready to be a parent. Children come along and all the rules go out the window. That's one of the reasons why I have problems with kids today blaming their parents for everything. It's really hard. There's no shame in admitting that you're not ready. I'd still advise against an irreversible move like putting your child up for adoption. Instead, why not talk with Kate's mother and see if you can have a hand in raising her. You need to consider what the long-term effects of adoption could be for Kate. I know mothers who were so torn up about adoption decisions they made that the effects have stayed with then for 20+ years. Zach,

Nobody is ever ready to be a parent. Children come along and all the rules go out the window. That’s one of the reasons why I have problems with kids today blaming their parents for everything. It’s really hard.

There’s no shame in admitting that you’re not ready.

I’d still advise against an irreversible move like putting your child up for adoption. Instead, why not talk with Kate’s mother and see if you can have a hand in raising her.

You need to consider what the long-term effects of adoption could be for Kate. I know mothers who were so torn up about adoption decisions they made that the effects have stayed with then for 20+ years.

]]> By: Zach http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13185 Zach Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:32:11 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13185 I don't know for sure to be honest as I have had no direct contact with her. Word from mutual friends is that she is thinking adoption is best as well. I don’t know for sure to be honest as I have had no direct contact with her. Word from mutual friends is that she is thinking adoption is best as well.

]]> By: Mother http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13184 Mother Sun, 18 Oct 2009 20:30:12 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13184 How does Katelyn feel? Does she want to put the child up for adoption? How does Katelyn feel? Does she want to put the child up for adoption?

]]> By: Zach http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13183 Zach Sun, 18 Oct 2009 19:00:21 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13183 Sometimes love means making rough decisions that kill you inside order to make sure someone else has a fair chance to live a successful life. I don't have the resources right now to parent, and it would not be fair to the child to be raised by Katelyn and I. Believe me, I don't want to put the child up for adoption, it kills me inside. But I feel its right. Sometimes love means making rough decisions that kill you inside order to make sure someone else has a fair chance to live a successful life.

I don’t have the resources right now to parent, and it would not be fair to the child to be raised by Katelyn and I. Believe me, I don’t want to put the child up for adoption, it kills me inside. But I feel its right.

]]> By: Zach http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13182 Zach Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:58:15 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13182 I plan on visiting the child on a regular basis, and being part of its life. I plan on visiting the child on a regular basis, and being part of its life.

]]> By: Mother http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13179 Mother Sun, 18 Oct 2009 15:28:24 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13179 You need to provide what you can provide, even if it's just being around the child and being supportive, buy some diapers, something, come on man, you don't have to be perfect, and you don't have to do it all....just do something. Make that effort, you will be sucessful and rewarded in the long run. Send your girl some flowers with a nice letter, she's pregnant, I'm sure she needs a friend right now. It's OK not to have money or a house , but it's inexcusable not to show the love. BTW that baby is going to be your family for the rest of your life, you have many years to step up, show you care, that's what I was trying to say in my last post. You need to provide what you can provide, even if it’s just being around the child and being supportive, buy some diapers, something, come on man, you don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to do it all….just do something. Make that effort, you will be sucessful and rewarded in the long run. Send your girl some flowers with a nice letter, she’s pregnant, I’m sure she needs a friend right now. It’s OK not to have money or a house , but it’s inexcusable not to show the love. BTW that baby is going to be your family for the rest of your life, you have many years to step up, show you care, that’s what I was trying to say in my last post.

]]> By: aimless http://www.aspieweb.net/parenting-adoption-best-for-child/#comment-13178 aimless Sun, 18 Oct 2009 11:41:45 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1305#comment-13178 Even if you are unable to provide for your daughter I hope you don't think that means you should have no relationship at all. I have an 11 year old son whose father decided he was incapable of being a good parent. He has not seen him since he was 3 and the last time he spoke to him on the phone he was in 2nd grade. I have tried to explain to him that it's important for him to be able to say he knows his father. A child will only feel the rejection. I hope you are a part of your daughter's life even if you don't have full responsibility. I don't think you will regret it. I think being the kind of parent you want to be is an attainable goal and I admire that you want to be that. Even if you are unable to provide for your daughter I hope you don’t think that means you should have no relationship at all. I have an 11 year old son whose father decided he was incapable of being a good parent. He has not seen him since he was 3 and the last time he spoke to him on the phone he was in 2nd grade. I have tried to explain to him that it’s important for him to be able to say he knows his father. A child will only feel the rejection. I hope you are a part of your daughter’s life even if you don’t have full responsibility. I don’t think you will regret it. I think being the kind of parent you want to be is an attainable goal and I admire that you want to be that.

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