Someone recently wrote me asking me to share my experience with bullying, and how it effected me growing up.
In elementary school I was at least accepted even though I was not that socially bright, but intellectually I was pretty dang good. I remember several things about elementry, but most of all I really started to realise that while I was accepted – I did not fit. As niches started forming in 4th and 5th grades, I never ended up in one, but I tried so hard. I was never really good at science, because they only taught boring things in elementary but there was this science competition called the Science Olympiad. I talked the teacher into allowing me to take the test, hoping that with it would come acceptance. Well I placed first in the school, and it just caused less acceptance of me.
In middle school, It moved from a school of 400, to a school of well over 1500. I was overwhelmed. I remember just keeping to myself. I never used my locker, kept my coat on all day, kept all my stuff in a gym size duffel bag. I was an easy target to people that needed to prove there worthiness in a new building to all the new people, and the bullying started. I remember being tripped in the hallway for other people’s amusement, being punched repeatedly for 5 minutes straight and just standing there, having food thrown out me during lunch all lunch, having fireworks thrown into a stall I was using in the bathroom, getting voted most likely to work at McDonald’s and the school would never do anything about it – saying I would encourage it by ‘not fitting in’.
A Seclusion Room in a school
My grades plummeted, from that point forward I never got higher than a D in my schooling career. I feared going to school, feared the bullying, and feared the overwhelming crowd. I remember having one really good friend however, her and I would exchange notes all the time about anything and everything. I remember one time I was away for Christmas and when I got back my dad told me someone called me from school to wish me a Merry Christmas. I don’t know why, or how she became my friend – but I do know that because of her I likely survived middle school.
The Special Education Nightmare
In high school, I was transferred to a special education school because I did not behave like a normal person, I was skipping 60+ days a semester. This school had the seclusion rooms, which were nice words for jail cells – similar to the one at the right. The school had a reward system, for doing schoolwork – which consisted of elementary level stuff because its all they could afford and behaving properly. I behaved properly, but I refused to do just mindless school work and I needed to be challenged. I also did not really care for their reward which was more opportunities to socialize so I would purposely get myself in trouble, because I wanted to be in the back of the room in a little cubicle – at least I was safe there.
So Whats With The Rambling….
Some of you may think this entire life story is not needed, but I wanted to show the impact bullying can have on someone. Is all the above necessarily the fault of me being bullied, no – but bullying put me on a path that lasted my entire schooling career. I moved from someone who scored top in academics, to someone skipping 60 days a semester and never getting higher than a D.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a child who definitely fits somewhere on the Autism spectrum. He did fine socially as a young child but things have gone down hill over the years and now in 3rd grade he doesn’t have any friends. He likes other kids and wants to play with them, but he really doesn’t know how and they think he is annoying. The other day he told me two kids were saying mean things to him and throwing food at him during lunch. What would you recommend for him in the coming years. Do you think it would have been better for you to have been removed from the system all together and home schooled? I really do not believe it is possible to stop kids from teasing. It seems that the only options when it comes to middle school are to take him out or throw him to the wolves. Obviously I don’t like either option, but I’m wondering what you think.
@Elizabeth
I can not say what would be best for your child as I do not know the services in your area – I do however encourage you to advocate for your childs needs, and encourage you to help your child self advocate his/her needs. This can go a long way to stopping bullying.
I went through much the same in my childhood. My parents contacted Phoenix Children’s Hospital. They had socialization classes (don’t remember what the technical name for it was) for children that help get their social skills on par. This is very important to do early on as the gap will only increase as you child gets older.
What I remember of the class was I was put into a room with several other children and a doctor. The doctor would have us interact with each other. It difficult for me to remember all the details as this was almost 15 years ago.
All the bullying that happened and was allowed to take place made me cry. How could they do that?
Oh dear lord, your special-ed school sounds horrible.
I was also transferred to a special-ed during 7th grade and attended for 5 years, but thanks to this I was able to escape the public school system and the middle-school bullying peak. Within my first year I befriended people who considered themselves as “crazy” as I was, and my behavior became more stable. I was still an erratic aspie, but I became an erratic aspie with equally erratic friends who didn’t care about my quirks.
Though I went to a special-ed school with an age-appropriate curriculum.