Comments on: Parental Lies Hurt

By: Jim Higgs Suzanne Higgs Plainwell Hooked On Felt

Jim Higgs Suzanne Higgs Plainwell Hooked On Felt — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:12:34 +0000

[...] Higgs is a very abusive woman. She lied to her daughter about her ability to give birth because she did not want her daughter havin…. Suzanne has lied to the Kalamazoo Sheriffs Department on numerous occasions and has broken into [...]

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By: Some Truths

Some Truths — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 04:36:39 +0000

[...] how she treated Kate when they were dating I learned what a horrible Bitch Suzanne Higgs is. This woman lied to her daughter about her ability to have kids, telling her that she would die if she got [...]

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By: Marriage after Aspergers Meltdown?

Marriage after Aspergers Meltdown? — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:54:45 +0000

[...] a great job standing up for Katelyn and helping her get independent. Shes also not falling for Katelyn’s mother’s overprotective crap and is really seeing that Katelyn is capable and going to be independent soon. I have really [...]

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By: Suzanne Higgs - Hooked On Felt

Suzanne Higgs - Hooked On Felt — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 08:24:49 +0000

[...] told Katelyn she would die if she got pregnant, causing her to have a panic attack and look at abortion. When confronted with this you say [...]

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By: chaoticidealism

chaoticidealism — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:51:04 +0000

If I were you, I’d just be supportive–let her talk or let her stew in silence. Ask her how you can help. I think she’s probably going to have to take some time to think about this and figure out what it means to her; because that is a huge thing to learn and it’s not something you can just understand right away. For that matter, it’ll probably take you a little while to internalize it, too. Betrayal by a parent is probably one of the worst things that can happen to somebody.

My mom has lied to me on more than one occasion. Notably, she kept my autism secret from me for many years, while telling me I was lazy and badly behaved and should try harder. I find this completely inexcusable, though her aim was most likely to make me try to “overcome” my autism. (I didn’t, of course; I started truly making progress when I was finally informed that I was autistic.) To this day I tell parents with newly diagnosed children, “Tell your child. He deserves to know.” A three or four year old may only be able to understand a little, but he deserves to be told something so important.

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By: kathleen

kathleen — Fri, 01 May 2009 17:53:31 +0000

That really upset me-I don’t think that lying to your children is acceptable at all…sometimes what is looked upon as “an act of love” is truly an act of selfishness…Thank you for the post…it made me think about my own kids growing up, and how I look upon it.

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By: Shawn

Shawn — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:32:18 +0000

I’m a parent of two kids with disabilities and have told them the truth since they were diagnosed. I believe that the truth always comes out and the lies make the truth harder to handle.

As far as helping your finance, I recommend two things: First be confident in handling the decisions about the future yourself and removing uninvited parties, like her mother, from the decision making. The choices are yours an no one else’s. Secondly, to help reduce the level of emotion, which will be incredibly hard, try to view her mother’s actions as misguided rather than malicious. Viewing them as misguided recognizes that she may have things to learn herself. She may be wrong, but not necessarily a bad person. Give her time to learn and grow and see what happens.

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By: Anemone Cerridwen

Anemone Cerridwen — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 01:52:19 +0000

Holy crow, that’s bad. Having kids is something people should never be tricked out of, or into, for that matter. It’s such a profound experience. I haven’t been able to have them (yet), and may be too old now, and that was me being denied by poverty and isolation. I would despise anyone who lied to me like that. It would be like assuming that I was not good enough to love and be loved, and setting it up so that I couldn’t be.

I don’t know what you can do for your fiancee, other than let her work through it at her own pace, and be honest about what it’s like for you when she asks.

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By: Club 166

Club 166 — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 01:47:19 +0000

What the others said (no, it’s not right to lie to your kids about something this important).

One word of caution. Don’t get between your fiance and her mother. Be supportive of your fiance, but don’t put down her mother (I know that sounds contradictory, but try, anyway). Your fiance’s relationship with her mother may never be fully repaired, but it will probably be somewhat repaired over time, especially if they had an otherwise loving relationship. You don’t want to be the “odd one out”.

Joe

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By: Fleecy

Fleecy — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:51:58 +0000

Lying to someone – much less an adult, who is responsible for their self – about important medical background doesn’t strike me as a particularly good idea. Especially not in this case where it caused a fear of DEATH that was not based in fact. That kind of thing can seriously impact quality of life.

Additionally, I find it pretty weird that she called you “manipulative” for seeking the truth in a situation where she was quite obviously lying, to manipulate.

Sorry to hear about that situation… I don’t have any advice.

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