I was having a conversation with someone a few days ago and they asked a conversation somewhere along the lines “How does Aspergers affect you?” At first I did not know how to answer this question…
The most difficult thing about explaining how Aspergers affects my day to day living is I never knew what life was without it as Aspergers is a condition you are born with. I do know there are several ways in which I am different from those around me – but its difficult for me to describe. I have to admit it would be much like trying to describe a sneeze to those who have never sneezed, and this article is half me trying to figure out how to describe how it affects me and half trying to educate other.
- One thing I have extreme difficulty with is lighting. Fluorescent lighting is tolerable for small periods of time (usually about 2 hours). But I constantly see blinking and flickering in the lights much like you see when a fluorescent light is going dead – but at its normal brightness. Not only is this annoying, it tends to give some decent sized headaches. I can also hear the constant buzzing of the bulbs and it can get extremely annoying to me. I am really concerned about the ban on regular light bulbs coming this year and have been researching Autism Friendly Light Bulbs and using them more in my house.
- Large crowds are very overwhelming for me. For example when in a church service its very hard for me to sit in a church that’s rather full of people and actually take in the church service. Giving myself a task to do in the service has often helped, and I have worked extensively in the sound booth at church during service and it seems to help my brain become less overwhelmed, another thing that often helps is a ‘hand toy’ or trinket which i can fiddle with in my pocket or hide in my hand. It was a fight for me to go to my own high school graduation.
- Reading expressions is also a very difficult thing for me. For example, yesterday evening after spending a day helping the girl I’m dating do some projects for her mom’s business she was tired and acting differently. I could not understand the tired expression on her face so I thought she was upset and I kept asking her if shes OK or if she was upset about something – most likely annoying her a bit too.
- Surprises – I really don’t like surprises, quick changes in plans, etc. I’m a person who needs to have things scheduled out in advance. I need to know whats going to happen today, what is expected of me, etc. Routine is a major thing for me.
- I’ m also very emotional. I cried at my own graduation from high school, I cry during movies, I cry watching TV, and even sometimes when reading a sad book. I have a very difficult time controlling crying.
- I suck my thumb, I’m not sure if this has something to do with Aspergers – but I suck my thumb.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
You could just as well ask me how breathing affects me.
What affects me is my interface with the external world, be that the environment, the economy or the social world. These are the ways in which my interactions are differenced and nuanced by what I am.
However that is the only way it is, I do not know any other, nor can I, for if I did know it I would cease to be me.
I can’t really answer a general question like that because I only know it from one side, my side.
Ok, this is difficult as I’m never quite sure which is my Aspergers and which is just me, but:
It affects me by the way it frequently does not occur to me to even think about what other people or thinking, to not take into account the reactions of others around me. To give an example as a child and adolescent it meant that I could do something in front of people, be asked if I was ok and be genuinely surprised as to why they were asking, it hadn’t occurred to me that they would notice. Or as a young adult I’d walk home from a rural holiday job (about three miles) without thinking to tell anyone that I was setting off. Nowadays I’ll not think to speak to the other mums at the playgroup or toddler group, in theory I know I should, when it comes to the practise I’m too busy with my own thoughts to consider them. That’s why the internet is so helpful, in real life I will miss body language and other social cues, on a message board someone saying they are upset is pretty apparent.
People have to approach me, it’s very hard for me to initiate talking and initiate interaction. Without going into details that has a significant affect on my marriage, espcially combined with the fact I find anything other than a big bear hug or a strong touch difficult to cope with. If they do approach me and it’s on a one to one basis, or the conversation is very set (eg talking about the plot in a book rather than general gossip) I can cope quite well and even talk the hind legs of a donkey. bBut it does mean I have difficulties in expressing my wants and needs, things are easier for me now because I am more independent, I can make my own decisions for a lot of things, so I can avoid many difficult situations. As an adolescent I was unable to ask for painkillers, or for more food if I was hungry, or to say I needed new clothes (eg new PE kit). As an adult I’ve still got those difficulties but I can now get said clothes, painkillers, food myself.
I need to be able to plan things and to control things, to know details of what is going to happen. If it doesn’t go according to plan, well, I’ll get through it but I’ll be more tense, more irritable, more upset and less able to think clearly. I’m quite ok with some surprises, have always loved Christmas for example.
I’m a very quick reader and have quite a good grasp of spelling and grammar and I’m also a fairly prolific reader. I can average 1 -2 novel sized books a day, before I had children it was 2 to 3. I love doing crosswords and other word puzzles and thinking about the eymology of the words. I’m an advertiser’s worst nightmare as I will pick apart their claims.
I have very poor non verbal skills, in terms of things like spatial awareness and puzzle solving. If I do a verbal iq test I will get an average of 120 points, if it’s non verbal then it comes out as between 70 and 90 points, usually. I see things very clearly in my mind, but being able to see how they work in relation to other things, or what they are supposed to do next, then it’s almost impossible for me.
I have a strong sense of being honest, I do not lie about myself, will not tweak a cv or say things about myself that can’t be backed up.
I have a good long term memory and a good memory for poems and rhymes. Poor short term memory though.
I hyperfocus on things, whether it’s budgeting for the household accounts or writing the Nano or staring at a leaf on a tree I will usually do it to the exclusion of everything around me. I also daydream a lot. For this reason I tend to do a lot of these things when I’m on my own or at night when the lads are in bed.
I know all the conventions about waving “hello” to someone in reply and about looking if someone points something out, but a lot of the time it is as though there is a block in my mind that prevents the physical act from being carried out. It’s as though my mind is so busy thinking about the act that it doesn’t get round to actually douing it. This doesn’t happen all the time, usually just once or twice a day, with the exception of speech when initiating talking takes more effort.
I don’t have any problems with sympathising with someone if they make it clear they are upset, but I do have problems empathising.
I like being by myself or with just a few people I know. I don’t “do” facebook or bebo, joined one of those things but can’t get to grips with it so it’s laid obsolete. I like other people, but don’t see the need to pursue platonic relationships. I’ve never flirted, never shown that I fancy someone, never tried to make an impression on someone. But this worked in my favour with my now husband, he got the “real me” from the start and as we have similar interests we clicked. I think if I’d have tried to be more social and tried to fit in more with people I would have struggled a lot more with things. As it is I’ve foud my own niche with things and I’m very happy with it. Would like to be able to be more expressive in real life but am working on that.
well i still think you rock !!!
The other day, my employers shut down the office where I’ve been working for six years, and I became a Displaced Worker. A lot of that going around, I gather.
Anyway, there’s this program that, among other things, is supposed to make me more employable — more education & such. I mentioned Aspergers to the lady who’s supposed to help me with that. She knew a bit about it, I gathered.
She mentioned a couple of things they could help with, including job hunting skills and driving, since I have never had a driver’s license. She didn’t quite seem to get that some of that stuff is -because- of Asperger.
I mean, an interview is a conversation. I suck at conversations. Not making eye contact in a job interview is a Bad Thing: “Gee, this guy must be dishonest, he won’t even look me in the eye!” I suspect my inability to drive has an Aspie component, too.
I ended up staying in that job for six years because I hated to have to change, even as the job became less and less satisfying and more troublesome even to get to, the hours got shorter, and hence the pay got lower. Add to that, telemarketing isn’t a great fit for an Aspie. Not that it’s a great joy for most NTs.
Now I’m having to cope with the stress of losing the job -and- the stress of what to change to -and- the stress of the crowds at the local Junior College if they end up paying for that -and- the stress of job interviews if they don’t -and-, I suppose, the stress of Stress.
You’re right. Finally, there’s nothing to which to compare the effects of Asperger on me. It affects everything, and always has. And those effects produce consequences, which produce more effects.
There’s simply no way to answer, because there’s no rational way to interpret the question in relation to my own life.
As the fella said, “I don’t have a solution — but I do admire the problem!”
Which thumb?
@Anonymous: Left