Comments on: Big Fears http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/ The Aspergers And Autism Web Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:08:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Zach http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/#comment-12857 Zach Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:31:28 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1072#comment-12857 Laura, I'm not as concerned about Kates guardian. They will see the truth, and according to Katelyn already have started. She was going to move back home, but they decided against it because they are seeing the truth. To be honest I'm more concerned about Katelyn's relationship with her mother. She needs a caring and supportive mother, not an overbearing and destructive one. I don't want to have to see Katelyn end up isolating herself from her family just so she can survive and thrive like I did, its a very painful experience. Laura,

I’m not as concerned about Kates guardian. They will see the truth, and according to Katelyn already have started. She was going to move back home, but they decided against it because they are seeing the truth.

To be honest I’m more concerned about Katelyn’s relationship with her mother. She needs a caring and supportive mother, not an overbearing and destructive one. I don’t want to have to see Katelyn end up isolating herself from her family just so she can survive and thrive like I did, its a very painful experience.

]]> By: Laura http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/#comment-12856 Laura Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:26:05 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1072#comment-12856 First, I think you overestimate my relationship with Suzanne. Admittedly, I love her dearly, along with many of my freaky fiber folk, and enjoy getting together with her, but I am hardly in her hip pocket. I have gleaned a lot more from your blog posts than I have ever gotten from Suzanne on this subject. Please don't underestimate my ability to draw my own conclusions. What I do all day is draw my own conclusions from two very conflicting points of view, proposed by people who believe strongly in their positions and have authority to back it up. Second, lies have a way of finding themselves out. If Suzanne has lied to the guardian about you, then you will have to overcome the lies with consistent action that is inconsistent with what Suzanne has said. Give the guardian at least a little bit of credit for also being able to reach their own conclusions. Maybe you and the guardian will never agree, but at this point the guardian is in control. You can either fight that and make it harder, or you can find a way to work with it. You don't have to like it, but that is the way it is. That is a lesson all of us with strong personalities struggle to learn . . . a lesson that I still need refreshed once in a while. Something you don't know about me: My mother was (and is) mentally ill (along with being charming and very bright). While she was neglecting and emotionally abusing us, she had lots of people (including the judge) convinced we were lying and just out to get her. So I understand, probably better than most, the frustration of being cast in a false light by someone who is supposed to care about you. I also understand that the system doesn't always seem to work the way it is intended. My view of reality is sometimes harsh . . . but blowing rainbows is not my style. First, I think you overestimate my relationship with Suzanne. Admittedly, I love her dearly, along with many of my freaky fiber folk, and enjoy getting together with her, but I am hardly in her hip pocket. I have gleaned a lot more from your blog posts than I have ever gotten from Suzanne on this subject. Please don’t underestimate my ability to draw my own conclusions. What I do all day is draw my own conclusions from two very conflicting points of view, proposed by people who believe strongly in their positions and have authority to back it up.

Second, lies have a way of finding themselves out. If Suzanne has lied to the guardian about you, then you will have to overcome the lies with consistent action that is inconsistent with what Suzanne has said. Give the guardian at least a little bit of credit for also being able to reach their own conclusions. Maybe you and the guardian will never agree, but at this point the guardian is in control. You can either fight that and make it harder, or you can find a way to work with it. You don’t have to like it, but that is the way it is. That is a lesson all of us with strong personalities struggle to learn . . . a lesson that I still need refreshed once in a while.

Something you don’t know about me: My mother was (and is) mentally ill (along with being charming and very bright). While she was neglecting and emotionally abusing us, she had lots of people (including the judge) convinced we were lying and just out to get her. So I understand, probably better than most, the frustration of being cast in a false light by someone who is supposed to care about you. I also understand that the system doesn’t always seem to work the way it is intended. My view of reality is sometimes harsh . . . but blowing rainbows is not my style.

]]> By: Zach http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/#comment-12849 Zach Wed, 23 Sep 2009 02:34:09 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1072#comment-12849 Shes keeping the status quo with Suzanne's Lies. Laura, I know this is hard for you to grasp being a friend of Suzanne and all, but she has lied and manipulated this situation, and continues to do so. The only reason I have not sued her, or sought a restraining order against her is because I don't want to hurt or stress Kate out more. Shes keeping the status quo with Suzanne’s Lies. Laura, I know this is hard for you to grasp being a friend of Suzanne and all, but she has lied and manipulated this situation, and continues to do so. The only reason I have not sued her, or sought a restraining order against her is because I don’t want to hurt or stress Kate out more.

]]> By: Laura http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/#comment-12848 Laura Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:36:31 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1072#comment-12848 Okay, if I understand things correctly, it is not Kate's mom that is keeping you apart, but Kate's guardian. So either the guardian believes there is some reason to continue to keep you and Kate away from each other, or maybe is just maintaining the status quo while gathering more information to make a decision about the two of you spending time together. Kate hasn't had this guardian for more than a month or two, right? Guardians typically proceed with caution (giving them the benefit of the doubt and putting it as nicely as possible, knowing full well the perception is often different). I do understand your frustration and impatience, but the quickest and clearest path to getting what you want is to be patient, cooperative, and proactive. Seek out that individual counseling you mentioned, start learning baby care even if you have to do it separately, do your best to cooperate with the guardian and be respectful even when you totally disagree. The guardian doesn't really know either of you, right? You may think others have told the guardian things about you that are not true . . . if so, then take this time to show the guardian what you are really like. Take responsibility for your actions, ask questions, get recommendations for next steps, etc. I know you think this all sucks (I would too under the circumstances), and I do not mean to suggest you give up your rights, but sometimes it is quicker and easier (and in the long run, more successful) to work with the system instead of bucking it and beating your head against the wall. This is your situation for now, and it is not going to magically change overnight. In the meantime, breathe! Okay, if I understand things correctly, it is not Kate’s mom that is keeping you apart, but Kate’s guardian. So either the guardian believes there is some reason to continue to keep you and Kate away from each other, or maybe is just maintaining the status quo while gathering more information to make a decision about the two of you spending time together. Kate hasn’t had this guardian for more than a month or two, right? Guardians typically proceed with caution (giving them the benefit of the doubt and putting it as nicely as possible, knowing full well the perception is often different). I do understand your frustration and impatience, but the quickest and clearest path to getting what you want is to be patient, cooperative, and proactive. Seek out that individual counseling you mentioned, start learning baby care even if you have to do it separately, do your best to cooperate with the guardian and be respectful even when you totally disagree. The guardian doesn’t really know either of you, right? You may think others have told the guardian things about you that are not true . . . if so, then take this time to show the guardian what you are really like. Take responsibility for your actions, ask questions, get recommendations for next steps, etc. I know you think this all sucks (I would too under the circumstances), and I do not mean to suggest you give up your rights, but sometimes it is quicker and easier (and in the long run, more successful) to work with the system instead of bucking it and beating your head against the wall. This is your situation for now, and it is not going to magically change overnight. In the meantime, breathe!

]]> By: Gavin Bollard http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/#comment-12846 Gavin Bollard Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:08:04 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1072#comment-12846 Zach and Kate, You're the adults in the relationship. You need to be setting the rules. You obviously belong together. Zach and Kate,

You’re the adults in the relationship. You need to be setting the rules. You obviously belong together.

]]> By: Kate http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/#comment-12845 Kate Tue, 22 Sep 2009 17:26:11 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1072#comment-12845 Thank you vary much for the comment alison! And yes zach and i have looked into getting a ppo aginst her. Im wanting to see what she is going to do first tho. Yes i love my momther dearly but her crazy overbearing ways have got to stop.! Im not talking to her right now and have not seen her in almost 2 weeks. She has sayed to me let me know if you want me to call you. So she is giveing me some space and respect. But still it hurts. Thank you vary much for the comment alison! And yes zach and i have looked into getting a ppo aginst her. Im wanting to see what she is going to do first tho. Yes i love my momther dearly but her crazy overbearing ways have got to stop.! Im not talking to her right now and have not seen her in almost 2 weeks. She has sayed to me let me know if you want me to call you. So she is giveing me some space and respect. But still it hurts.

]]> By: AllisonA http://www.aspieweb.net/fears-disabled-parenting/#comment-12843 AllisonA Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:18:37 +0000 http://www.aspieweb.net/?p=1072#comment-12843 Zach, As a mother of a disabled woman I need to tell you that what her mother is doing is somewhat natural, but completely wrong. The not talking to you game is another form of her controlling and manipulating the situation - she knows it upsets both you and Kate as you want to be one happy family. I'm assuming Kate's mom reads this and I would like to say this to her: You need to let go, your hurting Kate, your hurting Zach, your hurting this child, and your hurting yourself. It was hard for me too but our daughters need supportive mothers. Kate's mom instincts are kicking in - don't force her to choose between you and Zach or you and the kid, because as you know your going to loose that battle. It sounds like you all need to sit down and talk, and yesterday. Kate needs all of your support right now, and because of this she has none of you. Kate and Zach: If Kates mom refuses to respect you guys, don't talk to her. Also I would consider getting a restraining order if this continues as shes likely to try and screw with the kid as well. Zach,

As a mother of a disabled woman I need to tell you that what her mother is doing is somewhat natural, but completely wrong. The not talking to you game is another form of her controlling and manipulating the situation – she knows it upsets both you and Kate as you want to be one happy family.

I’m assuming Kate’s mom reads this and I would like to say this to her: You need to let go, your hurting Kate, your hurting Zach, your hurting this child, and your hurting yourself. It was hard for me too but our daughters need supportive mothers. Kate’s mom instincts are kicking in – don’t force her to choose between you and Zach or you and the kid, because as you know your going to loose that battle.

It sounds like you all need to sit down and talk, and yesterday. Kate needs all of your support right now, and because of this she has none of you.

Kate and Zach: If Kates mom refuses to respect you guys, don’t talk to her. Also I would consider getting a restraining order if this continues as shes likely to try and screw with the kid as well.

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