Agony is just not any pain, its the “intense feelings of suffering; acute mental or physical pain”. As of late I have been in a lot of agony. I have been cutting, attempting suicide, and abusing sleeping medication. I need to figure out better ways to cope.Right now I’m in a situation where someone else is responsible for the agony I feel – and that person does not seem to really care much. It seems that way from my perspective at least. Right now I’m sitting here in the hospital after having a mental break down last night, and I know the biggest thing that would help me right now – a hug from Kate. But I can’t without risking going to jail. So right now I have to decide is it worth going to Kate’s to get a hug – or should I try and wait it out.
I don’t think Kate would call the police if I showed up there, but I’m pretty sure her father would. Her father hates me, and justifiably so – I did make his daughter pregnant. I just wish we could all sit down and talk. I think that is the one thing that would resolve this whole situation once and for all.
In the mean time, what are some ways that you cope with agony?
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
So nice to see you posting Z. I agree with commenter Aranittara. I think you’d really like the weighted blanket. Sometimes you can get that effect from placing on lots of pillows, but you need then to lie on your back mostly. The other idea sounds nice too — the weighted pillow and rocking chair. Also, something else that helps me is running — esp. when I get into the right rhythm and then let my mind go. Nighttime running is always the best I think. Then to sleep with the weighted blanket
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I have no idea how to cope with that kind of thing I’d say multiple weighted blankets and maybe using a non-destructive method of pain induction (one that doesn’t risk permanent damage like cutting does. concentrated pressure of any kind with enough force will induce pain. You could use a capped pen or a plastic wine bottle cork or pretty much anything else.)
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I don’t own a weighted blanket, but I remember some times at night Kate would fall asleep laying on my chest and it was so comforting.
When I was in the hospital they gave me a weighted pillow and a rocking chair, it helped a lot
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