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So this has been a shitty week, and I’m still trying to get the blood out of my apartment.As some of you know I was engaged to a girl who had a mother who was extremely abusive, well this week she had a breakdown. Monday I woke up to her saying I’m sorry about 40 times, and I didn’t understand until she showed me the cuts on her legs, with the blood still dripping from them. She cut less then ten feet from me while I was asleep, and I had nightmares about that and was already dealing with depression but I chose to remain strong to support her.
Wednesday it happened again, except I awoke to new blood in my apartment – and no Kate. I panicked, I spun, I didnt know what to do. As I sit in my home writing this, its been the first time I’ve been home since Wednesday’s incident for more then 10 minutes. I’ve been sleeping in my car, because I can’t look at my apartment. I dropped my dog off at my church today, because I can no longer handle myself – much less a dog.
I have nightmares every night, of Kate waking up dead next to me – or Kates mother killing me in my sleep. I’m so messed up right now, and none of my friends really seem to grasp the situation. In the last 4 days I have spent $1200 – on what I don’t even know. I am having such a hard time dealing with this – and people tell me it should be easy, its not.
I miss my dog, but I can no longer take care of him. I miss my ex-fiance but I can no longer take care of myself, much less her. I’m loosing my mind – and it seems everyone around me don’t care either.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t think you’re being very supportive of your fiance’s neuroinsanity.
Actually I do care. (Believe it or not)
I’m very sorry about all the shit you have to deal with right now.
My advice would be to realize that people do not hate you, or are in any way against you, and you might just perceive it that way because you are so depressed.
You should seek professional help, trying to pull yourself out of this mess might not work at this moment.
Please try contacting a disbility advocacy group, your family doctor, your priest- anyone you can think of, because there is a point, where friends just don’t know what to do and feel helpless themselves.
Um… that’s really bad. I wish I had something helpful to say but I don’t think there’s anything to say at something like that, that could help. But that sure is not “easy to deal with”… oh my god. I’m sorry to hear about that.
People tell you it should be easy??? Are they not listening?
You can hire someone to come in and clean your apartment for you if that helps (and if you have the money). There are all sorts of maid services out there. You could also try some sort of incense (sage, sweetgrass, whatever you can find in a store that smells nice) to purify your place when it’s clean. I hope your arrangement for your dog is temporary and that you can get him back again when you’re in better shape. Some shelters offer temporary foster care for those in crisis. Also, you can call a crisis hot line (if you can verbalize enough) and they may be able to help a bit.
What I do when I can’t cope is go for long long long walks. They tire me out and if I go somewhere I haven’t been for a while, that can snap me out of it for a bit. It doesn’t solve the problem but it does give me a short break now and then.
Good luck.