So awhile back when Kate was having a mental health breakdown she accused me of raping her. Well that’s quite impossible for several reasons. I’m writing this because the rape allegations were very public, and I feel its time to be honest about the truth so it may help others with similar situations as mine, and that so hopefully people will really understand why this has hurt me so much even though it was proven false.
Post contains adult material. Discretion Advised
UPDATE: Since I posted this I’ve learned now that a friend of ours Cassie already knew a lot of this from conversations with Kate before hand. Its kind of a relief
I have problems staying up in the bedroom, sex for me is on the physical side very uncomfortable. The feelings and textures and sweat really bug me. I actually enjoy sex for the emotional aspects it brings, the closeness, the bonding, the connection. I have a really hard time staying for lack of a better term “hard” because of how sex is physically uncomfortable. Another thing is I have a hard time reaching climax during sex – I have only done it once with Kate, and that was after she was pregnant. No the chicken did not come before the egg, I’ll explain that later.
So when learning that she was accusing me of rape, I was like what the <insert four letter words here>. I was afraid I was going to have to stand in front of a court room full of my friends as witnesses and say no, I have sex problems. Kate eventually came clean and said that it never happened, but a lot of people including her mother don’t believe her that it never happened. So I live with this burden of being convicted by some people around me of something I could never do, and it causes me to spin out of control because I know I’m not that type of person, and I know I could not physically rape Kate – nor would I receive enjoyment from it. Then I have to face that the fact that the only piece of evidence that supports the fact I could no of raped Kate is extremely embarrassing. I can’t live in this catch 22 anymore, so here it is for all to read.
Now To Help Others
The one time I was able to finish with Kate during sex – which was sadly the last night we had together before she was placed in an AFC was something I will always remember. It ended up involving a lot of open communication, taking breaks, being honest with each other about feelings and what we liked. Basically an ongoing conversation during the entire thing. It took a few tries over a few times – but she finally got me.
So what am I saying? Be honest, open, and truthful about things – as well as patient. Its the best thing that can happen if your having sex issues. And if you want to hear something funny, yes – I faked orgasms as a guy – HAH!
The Chicken Before The Egg
No the chicken did not come before the egg. Long story short Kate and I did something really stupid. We wanted to know what it would be like to really have “real sex” as I could not get off. I could always get myself off, so I did – and just before I got off she lowered down. Insta-baby.
Stupid I know.
Hopefully people will understand now why the rape allegations are really upsetting to me, and how people still believing them really hurts me. I know friends of ours are likely going to read this – and they know of the rape allegations. I’m sure a lot of them are still not sure what to believe. It is my hope that this post does not humiliate Kate publicly, but provides honest closure to this mess – and at the same time helping others with similar sexual issues.
I want to make a couple of notes here about some comments that were made that did not get through. Ts is not a place for you to brag about sexual exploits, take that to another place.
Also the fact of me not getting off or enjoying it is not because Kate was “bad in bed.” I’ve had sex with more people then Kate, and Kate is the only one that has ever gotten me off, and the only one that did not judge me because of my issues in that area.
So in summary, any more comments about off-topic sexual accomplishments or bashing Kate for being a bad lover will not be approved. They are not on topic, and lets face it – your sexual accomplishments are likely lies – just like the lie that Kate is a poor lover.
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” I have only done it once with Kate, and that was after she was pregnant. No the chicken did not come before the egg, I’ll explain that later.”
You don’t even need to explain that. “Pre-cum” natural lubrication is semen too and has some sperm in it (this is a basic anatomical fact, and useful to know while deciding whether or not to use the withdrawal method for birth control).
“and I know I could not physically rape Kate”
Just so you know (and it’s important to know just in case any of these happen to you, even though I hope they don’t!), some people IRL have managed to rape other people without using erections.
For example, someone forcing someone else to have oral sex.
For another example, a female teacher ordering a male student of hers to have sex with her or else she’ll flunk him.
For another example, one person shoving a banana up someone else’s anus or shoving a bayonet up someone else’s vagina or etc.
The date of conception matches with the date of our wanting to know really what its like.
Did she accuse you of rape because she was afraid of taking responsibility for her part in the conception?
I think it was a combination of knowing her mother was not happy about it, and the fact she was entering a mental health breakdown.
I faked orgasms as a guy – HAH
That’s not possible. In a male, an orgasm comes with an ejaculation. If Kate fell for a fake male orgasm, she had no business having sex because she doesn’t understand how it works. Also, if you are having erection problems at your age, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you psychologically, it could be early onset cardiovascular disease. The reason men have problems with erections later in life is typically due to cardiovascular disease. Or it could be that your gay and don’t recognize it at the moment.
As an aspie myself, I enjoy sex. Because of my heightened sense of smell, hearing and touch, sex is extremely pleasurable to me. I think there are other issues you could have that you are not aware of. See a cardiologist and or a sex therapist to discover if you have sexual confusion and or early cardiovascular disease. When I was your age, I could maintain an erection for hours and have sex for hours before ejaculation.
I was the first person she had sex with, thus there were no comparisons.
Would you like to brag about your sexual exploits at a younger age any more?
And by the way, I’m not gay. I love Kate and if the fact that I’m staying at her side throughout this mess is not proof of that, then perhaps you should not be posting here.
I should also add that hypertension can be a cause too of soft erections.
Zach, there is nothing wrong with being gay. What I’m trying to get at is that you should be willing to explore why you are having these problems. If your not gay, it could be a far more serious problem like heart disease or hypertension. There are drugs that could save your life if you have either of these issues. No male at your age should be experiencing these problems unless there is an underlying medical condition or sexual identity issues. Neither one should be a source of shame or anger. Get checked, it could save your life.
Being gay is a sin, but its no bigger sin then Kate and I have committed (having sex before marriage).
That is not entirely true. While it certainly is possible that there is an underlying health issue, I think it’s completely ridiculous to tell Zach that the only way he could be having erection troubles is due to dangerous health issues. Many guys with sensory issues do not have an easy time getting or staying hard — I know because my partner is one of them.
And Zach — at least you do admit that what you did with her is no more morally acceptable than homosexuality would be for you.
People expierence sex differently. I don’t think that is where Zach here was going.I don’t believed you raped her for a minute. Why? Because as an aspie, you are going to be hypser sensitive to anothers feelings, and you wouldn’t want the other person to suffer. I could be wrong but in this case, I think not.
I think that people with Aspergers are capable of rape, saying they are not is pretty stupid.
zach –
i think it depends on the aspie. i am an aspie and i am NOT CAPABLE of hurting anyone, so for me, rape is very unlikely, because to me, rape is HURTING a woman. plus with me – i would not have sexual relations with a woman unless i absolutely truly loved her with all my heart, all my mind and all my soul, and if she felt the same about me.
I just want to say that I know that all of this in the first section (before the “now to help others” part is true. I know this because Kate told me exactly this long before the rape allegations or pregnancy, seeking advice for improving the situation.
I did not know you knew all this….. and I tried to hide it.
I recieved this email from someone I thought I would share it:
I think all the sexual “issues” will work themselves out when you get with a stable, partner long term and you both learn to understand each other. I wanted to give you some other advice if you would listen: I would advise you to try really hard to be and act like a really responsible stable person who exercises good judgement and doesn’t fly off the handle and lose it because things aren’t going well, look at what happened to Brittany Spears, She got all emotional and acted bonkers, and everyone lost respect for her and she lost custody of her kids. You had sex and you are going to be a man and a father and you need to project that image and live it. One day you can and will have the respect of people if you talk the talk and walk the walk. Don’t show weakness, or instability it will work against you. If you ever go to court to get partial custody, you don’t want anything thrown up in your face that make you seem unsatisfactory as a care giver. I have a very direct communication style, nothing I typed was ment to offend you, I wanted to help you. Get your head, and life together, hold down a job, have a suitable home, then one day you may be able to have joint custody or fight the adoption thing. You have rights as the biological father, you may need to speak to a lawyer…. Best of luck
Wow Zach,
What can I say. You have incredible courage and conviction. It just makes me respect you more. I’m sorry that things turned out the way they did. I was really confused about the charge. It made me uncomfortable because I didn’t know if I was offering you good advice or bad. I wanted you and Kate to be together but was worried that there was more I didn’t know about.
I now understand why you’re innocent – and I’m so glad that you’re still around to post these things. You had me very worried.
Your explanation of the chicken before the egg was painful. Did you not know that there was a risk? I guess I’m asking whether it was a failing with the education system or whether you simply decided to take a risk to experience the moment? (you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to).
Finally (and I know that my beliefs aren’t necessarily the same as yours), I have a problem with the idea that you feel that you’ve sinned. (and also your comment on gay people actually). We’re always being told NOT to judge people. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.
Nobody is without sin. It’s a part of life and who we are. Stop judging yourself and Kate. It’s time to forgive yourselves. I’d hate for you, the father, to consider your child to be a product of sin. Your child is a product of love.
As far as the chicken before the egg. It was not a failed education, it was just a dumb ass stupid decision on the part of Katelyn and I – a kind of in the moment thing.
As far as the stones thing goes – Katelyn and I did sin. I do forgive myself and her, but I can’t speak for her.
I’m rather relieved now that the truth is out. I have also made the decision I’m not going to leave Kate’s side during this mess as she is obviously mentally not there and was not when she made the accusations. I really do love her, and I know she would likely do the same for me. But this whole mess has got me mentally spinning, and I need to get me better before I can help her (and thats difficult for me as I know shes hurting now)