As some of you my know I’m going through a really rough break up right now. I sometimes wonder whether people with Aspergers can have relationships. My closer friends know the really intimate details of whats going on, and all of them have told me its not my fault she lies, she manipulates, and shes made false accusations. I’ve been thinking about how Aspergers is not going to allow me to have decent friends, decent relationships, decent any form of social interaction. Adam says otherwise.
This movie is the last 7 months flashing in front of my eyes. From the awkward points, to the communication difficulties in our relationship to the mother and father attempting to break us up because I’m autistic. I remember so clearly Kate telling me that her mother didn’t want her to tell me this but her mother was telling her stories about how Autistic People kill people.
The Point
The point of this post is I’m realizing I did all I could, and more then I should of to try and keep this relationship going. This movie has also showed me what its like from the outside prospective to have a relationship with someone with Aspergers, and how it can be so scary. It also seems to show the best parts of the relationships with people like me as well, and how rewarding it can be – if you can find someone that’s willing to fight for what they love, and not listen to others. People with Aspergers can have relationships, we can fall in love, we just need to find the right person – thats all!
Your Turn
I’ve contacted quite a few real friends of mine via facebook, email or other means. I know this movie is just a work of fiction, but does it any way remind you of how I interact socially? Does it help you better understand me? Please leave a comment below.
I also want to ask those who have Aspergers who read this – do you see yourself in this movie at all?
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I have Aspergers, and according to my boyfriend (not autistic, and sitting next to me) I’m not like that. I do know people on the spectrum who are though, and some of them are in relationships.
I’m not sure if I were more like him a few years ago, as I’ve learnt a lot about social communication over the last few years (and my college course this year taught it to me) but now if you can’t see me, it is unlikely you’d pick up on the Aspergers. The rocking and flapping and constant movement gives away there’s something there if you see me in person.
I don’t identify with the trailer, but then I’m female, and I generally face other issues. (Also I disagree with that Einstein etc. stuff, so it got my back up.) But I can see how it would work for men who don’t know what to do socially. In a way Aspergers, in its public stereotype, is an exaggeration of male issues in general, and that seems to be the take in this trailer. (It left me feeling excluded.)
When people are screwed up, they can do a real number on the people they get involved with. I fell hard for a man a long time ago. He played hot and cold, but wouldn’t let me just get to know him, because he had intimacy issues. It was hell. I was hung up on him for two decades. Then a psychic told me to track him down, we emailed each other for a week, and I got closure. If he had been straight with me at the time, I would have figured out in a few months that he was wrong for me instead of being hung up for decades like that.
I wonder what a female version of a film like Adam would be like?
If I could get my ASD son to say ” I see you are upset but I don’t know what to do about it.” well…that would be a great moment in my life for sure. I can only hope and wish that someday he will be able to do as much.
i m a female aspie so i m very different on the surface from adam – but i think he is very endearing and i find geeky men attractive… cld it be the narcissistic streak in me?… but yes i do tend to go off rambling abt my obsessions when i feel uncomfortable though i dont hv a deadpan delivery (i m a performance artist… i hv learnt vocal inflections)…
wld love to catch the movie… even if it is a little stereotypical… and yes, all the movies / dramatisations etc abt asperger’s are abt males… so where are the females then?
I just stumbled on your writings while doing research. The man I love and was with for a year got me pregnant and we broke up. I have since had a miscarriage and as a result of the two loses I have started seeing my therapist again. My therapist at one time was seeing us together as a couple. She truly believes (and after doing research so do I) that my ex has Asperger’s. She also thinks his pattern is get close to me and then push me away. She believes he will be back in my life, but I am scared he won’t. I miss him beyond what I can comprehend. He said reasons for the break-up, which happened moments before I told him that I was pregnant, were because being with me exhausted him and that he needed more alone time. I am very outgoing social person. He used to say things like “People drain me” and he would break-down in certain crowd sizes to the point where you couldn’t touch him. He also couldn’t handle light touches and said they hurt and at times when he became overwhelmed he would violently destroy him apartment. I realize these are traits of AS and I never knew it. I would get upset and mad for him not understanding things I would say or for saying he didn’t want to go out. If I had known I would have done so much differently. I want a second chance to do things right. He hasn’t been diagnosed with AS, but his mother, a nurse, suspects it as well.
How do I reach out to him and how long should I wait? I would love your advice.
Michelle,
First off Kate and I have been having trouble as of late. When meeting with one of our pastors earlier this week he pointed out the same thing, when we get close to people we tend to shove them away.
As Kate is the girl in this relationship dating someone with Aspergers I’m going to email her your comment and ask her to reply. I think her advise would be better than mine.
My guy is similar to you I think. I swear your writing could be his. He also has a tendency to run when things go well, but I always managed to help him stay. What made you stay with Kate? You and her both can email me at my personal email.