Some important updates on this entire situation over the last few weeks.For those that don’t know the last few weeks have been very rough for me. I am facing more difficult decisions and because I keep trying to type this post out and not being happy with it – I just recorded a video.
If someone can transcribe for those with people with Auditory processing difficulties I would appreciate it. I’m tired.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Give Lucky to Kate! Didn’t that occur to you?
Kate’s parents would never allow such a thing. They would see it as an attempt to take there precious daughter away from them. While I agree that their daughter is precious, I disagree with the other half.
Zach we will miss you while in the hospital but I do hope you get better. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and to speak your mind. Thank you for letting us into your life to try and help you through this difficult time. I will be praying for you.
God Bless.
Zach, if she still loves you and you still love her you need to stop this crap, sit down with her and talk. Even if you don’t love her you both need to stop this crap and sit down and talk, because its not just you two anymore you have a lovely child to calculate into your logic too.
I know she still loves you, she misses you dearly, and I know you still love her, and miss her dearly. Stop hurting each other and start talking to each other.
A lot of crap happened, but I’ve seen a lot of change because of this crap in both of you. You have learned that ignoring God’s advice sucks. Kate was made for you, and you were made for Kate – both of you have said as much.
Her parents scare you, I know. Remember her parents talked so highly of you before sin entered your relationship…. Kate told me so. Realize though that you both did some horrible things and parents tend to protect what they love – but im willing to bet once you get on your “rocker” and treat Kate like a real women of God they will be more open to you. I know its what Kate wants, I know its what you want. Its going to take time, a lot of time – but neither of you will forgive yourself if you don’t try.
Remember, Kate is a women of God and its the guys job to lead spiritually – you are right. You failed, but it does not mean with God’s help, forgiveness and patience this can’t be redeemed. You two were the perfect couple, a model couple and amazed many people until sin was let in. Now its time to be the perfect couple in God’s eyes again.
You both need to grow up and do what God is telling you to do, not what parents, friends, or anger is saying.
I don’t know who you are, you hid yourself well from me tracing your IP and using a throw away email.
I have to admit, your comment disturbed me very much. I am having trouble typing a response to this…. but I feel I must.
First off, it seems obvious that your talking to both of us right now – and likely have been for some time, so I want to thank your on behalf of us both for the ongoing friendship even through difficult times.
Second off…. what disturbed me is you hit so close to home. Yes, I’m angry – yes I’m hurt but not by the accusations, the actions, the crap – but because I lost my love, and possibly my child. If I could change things I could, but I fear now may be too late.
I have a feeling even though Kate’s mother is christian, she won’t forgive me for letting sin into our relationship – which I’m firmly believing is the root of these problems.
Suzanne may be eccentric, weird and somewhat fruity but she loves her daughter – and she loves God. Yes shes very protective of Kate, and you have hurt her daughter, irregardless of what Kate has done to you.
Kate still loves you, otherwise why would she “have her hair up”. Why would she of told me so. Her mother knows this, shes eccentric – not stupid. I don’t think her mother will stop true love, but shes going to need to be assured you both learned your lessons – and your going to need patience.
Knowing Suzanne, she is quick to forgive but regaining her trust is going to take work on your part, but she loves you too know that.
I don’t know what to say.
1. He cannot contact her.
2. Have you heard the allegations? He needs proof that she’s not going to do this again, because this is not the first time.
3. I too like them both, and see the best possible versions that they could someday become. I hope that happens, but it will take MORE community, family, and friend support. Community is the only way to improve yourself, really: you can’t be an island, but you must surround yourself with quality, moral people who can help you find your internal compass and God’s voice.
4. Honestly, the guy’s supposed to lead spiritually? I thought that idea was discredited when people realized that women, too, received God’s word and wrote books. Sorry, but men and women should be equal and function in couples according to their strengths. Anything else reinforces terribly harmful stereotypes!
Sorry, Zach, this ticked me off.
Just an update….
my phone is broke, my car is on the other side of town, and i can’t get to the hospital without my phone.
and lucky did eat a little gravy today.
Hello again, I’m glad you’ve decided against suicide. You need to create a fallback system in your mind. Mine is named Alice. When you’re sad they stop you from doing anything stupid. Also, learn to laugh at yourself. One more thing, if you think extramarital sex is a Sin then why in the world did you have it? I mean it is obvious you two loved and/or love each other but still. In any case I wish you luck in your recovery. Either try to salvage your relationship or walk away and move on with your life.
I’ve transcribed it as best I can. There are probably some mistakes, and I was unsure of punctuation and stuff in some areas, but I hope it’s pretty accurate. Feel free to fix it.
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Hi everyone, it’s Zach. First off I want to make it clear about this video. I’m not making this video so you all can pity me, or feel sorry for me, or anything. I’m making this video to explain what’s going on right now, because I’m having a hard time typing it out, and this makes it easier for me. I know it’s kind of public, but, frankly everything that’s going on with me is already very public so it really just doesn’t matter.
First thing I want to address is Lucky. Right now it’s roughly 1.30 in the morning, erm, still a little before 1.30, and he hasn’t eaten yet. I’ve tried putting gravy in his dog food, I’ve tried switching his dog foods, I’ve even tried feeding him people food. No food yet. I know why now, though. There’s a YouTube video of Kate and I looking at an apartment and in that case there’s a couple of words here and there. Whenever Kate said something in that video Lucky would perk up and look happy. For those that don’t understand what’s going on, Kate took care of Lucky when she was here ’cause dogs were a big passion of hers and they helped her cope with stress, and she’s under a lot of stress. So Lucky’s basically missing his master, his best friend, his – you know what I mean? So, if he doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon he’s going to be put down, and so, if there’s anything you can do, just pray at this point.
Number two, that I wanted to discuss, is this whole adoption thing. First thing I need to discuss though, is something else. A lot of people wonder what I feel towards Kate right now. Kate sent a message through someone to me last night stating she leaves her hair up. For those who don’t understand what Kate is talking about I’ll explain it to you. When Kate and I were in a relationship together we literally lived like husband and wife, literally. Did a lot of things together. One of the things that Kate felt lead to do was leave- especially in the later parts of our relationship was leave her hair up in public and only put it down around me. So I’m thinking this is her way of saying “I still love you” and I, to be honest, I still love her still. But then I look at all this that she’s accused me of, and how can I love someone like that? It’s something I wrestle with, like sometimes I think if she would want to come back with me would I be able to say no or yes, or what would I say? And to be honest, I don’t know. To be completely honest., people seem to think love is an emotion that you can flip a switch on. It’s not. Love’s not just an emotion, it’s a commitment, it’s a decision, it’s so much. It’s not a decision you can turn around really quick and-
Another thing I would like to talk about is the adoption thing. And a siren’s going by, I’m not sure if you can hear it. I’m against pretty much all of her adoption. There’s a couple of reasons here. I feel like children are a gift from God, and if God didn’t want me to have this gift, Kate would not be pregnant. It’s simple. Number two, I’m already attached to this child. I remember talking to this child even when it was smaller than my pinky, the end of my pinky, I’d still talk to it, I wrote letters to it, I prayed for it. I’m attached to this child already. Number three, I’ve already lost what was going to be my wife because of this mess. I’m not going to lose my child over this mess. My child’s just as important as what was going to be my wife, Kate.
Next thing I want to talk about is the fact that I, tomorrow planning on putting myself into the hospital for a couple of days. I attempted suicide last week, I had a friend try and take me to the hospital last week but I chickened out. It’s – the hospital’s scary. I’m all alone right now, I’m so worried about my child I don’t know if my child’s okay. I want to be there for my child. I was so looking forward to going to these appointments with Kate. I was so looking forward to being there when Kate gave birth. I mean, I was actually filled with joy about these things. And now it’s not a possibility so now I sit here and think, and wonder, and it’s a hard thing to just sit on. I want to be there but I can’t. I want to support my child but I can’t. I still even want to support Kate but I can’t. That, and I’m just getting really depressed, I’m getting off my rocker and I need to get back on that rocker. So I’m going to be going into the hospital for a couple of days. Keep me in your prayers, post comments on this, you know, whatever.
The next thing I want to talk about is some spiritual type things here. Many people won’t understand that but I’m gonna talk about it anyway. Even though I didn’t beat Kate, even though I didn’t rape Kate, even though none of this, you know, Kate and I had a very very very perfect relationship, honestly. There is people who commented on how great our relationship was, that, really didn’t even like me. For people that don’t know much about Christianity, you’re not supposed to do certain things before marriage. One of those is sex, and usually the guy is biblically required to be the spiritual leader of a family. I failed. We had sex before marriage. Other things happened that spiritually shouldn’t have happened and you reap what you sow. Even though I did not beat Kate, even though I did not rape Kate, even though I wasn’t forcing her to have sex with other people, it is still, blame, I’m blaming myself because I’m the one that should have spiritually said, “enough, no more. No more sin in our relationship,” and I didn’t. And for that I ask for everyone involved’s forgiveness and God’s forgiveness, because, yeah.
Someone asked me, today if Kate would allow me, well, yesterday, if Kate would allow me back in my life, if Kate wanted me back, what would I say? To be honest, I don’t know if I could say no. I still love her, even after all of what she did, because partially it’s my fault because I failed to be the spiritual leader in the relationship and that was what was required of me. But I got to get going, I’m going to try and feed my dog again. Got some gravy, and some nicer dog food, and some milk bones, see if I can get him to eat. But I just want to let everyone know what is going on. Bye.
Hi Zach
I’m glad to hear that you have made decisions to hang in there, and I’m glad that Lucky has at least eaten a little something.
A few years ago me and my husband went through a very difficult time in our marriage, and we frankly needed relationship help. I found a few books that were able to help us immensely. Please go to http://www.marriagebuilders.com and even just start reading some of their on-line articles. If you and Kate could read “Love Busters” and agree together that you both want to avoid love busters then I believe that could be some very helpful first steps towards recovery.
The author Willard Harley is a Christian and has very biblical advise in his books even though he does not “shove it in your face” with scripture. I can only tell you though that his books and advise basically saved our marriage. I believe that divorce is wrong, but I had come to the place where I was going to follow the advise of 1 Cor 7:10-12 and I was going to remain unmarried for the rest of my life, but praise God that He provided the information in a way that my husband could understand and our marriage is healed today, now I cannot imagine life without my sweet husband.
If you and Kate are going to try to work it out, I think it would be wise to get some solid foundational ground rules in place to protect and preserve your relationship. I’ve been taking Willard Harley’s books and infusing them with the scripture that supports each point, so if you are interested in that I would be happy to provide that for you.
I am praying for you!
I hope you and Lucky are doing better. Hang in there.
How’s the dog doing?
I landed here somehow. I’ve read many posts and watched the video.
I am not going to get into the details of your situation, they will change daily. You will need to manage this change and roll with it and stay on top of what the priorities are to push towards the positive, each time things slide sideways.
I do relate to your pain. I have spent years of my life feeling so down. I never got help, never got drugs… I think for me personally, I knew that I had to pull myself out and that I needed to get my stuff together. I think I was pitying myself.
Eventually I did stumble out of things, and when I did, I was furious with myself for wasting so much time being miserable!
I still make poor decisions in my relationship with my 11 yr mate. But I know this and I offer it to you, because you seem very intelligent but admittedly very lonely.
It’s OK to get help. We all need help sometimes. My help is my mom, but not everyone is so lucky.
Those that do stop to help, even if they are paid to help, these people will facilitate your next steps.
Then when you are ready, you will step back into your life and feel more in charge.
In the meantime, believe that one day you will look back at this with some perspective and know that ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’
As a parent, I respected your connection to your unborn child and how much the prenatal appointments meant to you.
All the more reason why you need to gather your wits about you, get on track, stay focused and find your own sources of joy and happiness, so that you can be there and be a positive life force in your child’s life, for as long as they need you.
I have never met you, but you have your thoughts quite clear and your priorities seem evident – you mind works just fine, it’s just that your heart needs time to mend, and it will. I’ve had several significant broken heart experiences. You might never stop loving someone but you can stop liking them. You can put them in a slot, a safe place in your emotional memory bank and box them in. I’ve done it. In fact there are a couple of ex’s that I pretty much consider dead, in my mind. I loved them once or desperately wanted to love and be loved by them – and then I moved on, because they were sick people.
Do not weigh yourself down with those who are negative, move on.
You are doing great. Thanks for writing to the world. We are here, we are listening and we care.
Take care, from Toronto..Ontario…Canada
@Marla,
Thanks… I’ve made a decision on how I’m going to handle this:
http://www.thezach.net/zach-lassiter/would-you-like-my-pickle/