Lately I have a lot of feelings I don’t really know how to comprehend. I’m in fact overwhelmed by my emotions a lot lately. So I’m going to post a very long drawn out post about something.
One of the great things Kate taught me to do is to communicate emotions with music. We would often play youtube music videos to each other (or email them) to communicate our emotions. I just ran across this song and it communicates how I feel right now about the whole Kate situation:
you said i had something to say
then you got that look in your eye
there is something youve got to know
you said it as you started to cryive been down the wrong road tonight
and i swear ill never go there again
ive seen this face once before
and i dont think i can do this againTheres something I cant see
Something living in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And theres nothing i can say
Cause im never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hideAs you turned to walk away
I saw another look in your eye
And even though it hurt like it did
I couldn’t let this be a goodbyeYou say that your sorry
And you say that it hurts you the same
Is there something here to believe
Or is it just another part of the game?Theres something I cant see
Something living in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And theres nothing i can say
Cause im never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hideOhh yeah
Ooooooo
Ohh woahBehind those eyes you lie
Behind those eyes you hideTheres something I cant see
Something living in the way you smile
Behind those eyes you lie
And theres nothing i can say
Cause im never gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hideTheres nothing i can say
Thats ever gonna change your mind
Behind those eyes you hideBehind those eyes you lie
Kate has made some huge accusations about me, and by huge I mean very large. The accusations are, and will be proven false. But the above song ‘Behind Those Eyes’ by Three Doors Down communicates exactly how I feel right now. I am very, very hurt by Kate – but I am not angry at her and I will tell you why.
As a guy, I’m supposed to treat Kate like Christ did the church, therefor I am supposed to spiritually lead the relationship. I failed. I’m pretty much reaping what I sewed.
I’ve been hearing from people that Kate is still very much in love with me, and to be honest I am with her. Last night I really did a lot of praying after talking to a friend of mine on what I should do about this whole mess. I was reminded of something Kate told me months ago…
Kate told me months ago that her mother told her that I was ‘the one’. My mother even told me that Kate and I were very good together. I think Kate and I were very good together, and Kate thought the same too.
I’ve been battling Kate’s lies for just over a month now, and from what I understand Kate has started finally speaking truth – but not to the people it matters. She has yet to file a motion to terminate the PPO notifying the judge she lied, she has yet to inform the prosecutor she has lied, and most of all she has yet to notify her friends in the middle of this that she lied.
I’ve really been praying about all of this, and to be honest I’ve realised that all of this would not have happened if I had not failed at doing my part of the relationship. This is however not an excuse for the lies, deception, and crap Kate is pulling.
When I was in the hospital I talked to the therapist at the hospital about all of this and she asked me if I wanted to reconcile my relationship with Kate and her parents. My first thought was hell no, I’m not going near her again. I was angry. But then she reminded me of why the lies started, and how I am just as responsible because of my failure to lead spiritually.
Last night after praying I discussed this with one of the people at the inpatient place I’m staying at trying to make sense of this all because it was so overwhelming. She then told me a story about how she got busted having sex with her fiance, and how her Catholic parents made her so uncomfortable she made accusations about her fiance – very similar to mine. He was arrested, and just before the trial she found out she was pregnant. She didn’t want her child to carry the burden of these lies, and they have been married for 21 years.
So basically I’m saying that it is my hope to one day reconcile my relationship with Kate and her parents. The truth is I love Kate, and from what I’ve been hearing I know Kate loves me – her facebook statuses lately seem to indicate that too. If Kate’s parents ever give me the opportunity – I’m going to do it the right way this time, and court Kate like we originally wanted to do.
Do you feel its possible to reconcile this relationship? If Kate and I wanted to reconcile what steps should we take?
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Hi, it’s relationship-geek here again. There’s a book by Mira Kirshenbaum called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, that has 36 diagnostic questions, and it’s research based. You can get really clear about particular relationships taking her approach. The first question was a real eye-opener for me.