I recently had a friend ask me some things about Aspergers and what happens in the middle of meltdown in the head of someone with Aspergers. If you don’t know, meltdowns happen when someone with Aspergers gets overwhelmed or overstimulated by something. For the last few days I’ve been thinking about this and their is not much information out there on this other then from the perspective of non-autistic people.
What Causes A Meltdown?
Meltdowns are typically caused by being overwhelmed. Autistic People can get overwhelmed from various things including lighting, clothing textures, stress, too many people talking to them at once, a rapid major change in life, repetitive noises and certain pitches of noise. For me specifically stress, too many people talking to me at once, and rapid major changes are usually the major triggers, with lighting, textures and noises adding too the pot. It is important to realize that people on the Autism Spectrum are unique, and everyone has their different triggers.
What Is Going Through My Head?
When I’m in the middle of a meltdown I’m trying to do anything I can to cut off input into my brain from the outside world for a few minutes while I get my head to reset. All I need is 10 minutes to sit in a place where I can’t get noises, people, etc to be able to get myself to reset. When I’m in the middle of a meltdown people often confuse me running and hiding and being visibly upset as they should try and talk to me – which just results in me being more verbally forceful in getting away from them. This has led to problems for me. I think its important to state that during meltdowns I am never physically agressive unless I am physically provoked. In the middle of the meltdown I have no intention of hurting other people, and I think its a very common mis-conception about those with Autism.
What Can People Do To Help?
The best thing to do is just to give me space for five or ten minutes. When I am overwhelmed I just need to cut off things that stimulate my brain. Often when I’m overwhelmed I find a ‘safe feeling’ texture to rub my hand on to help calm my brain. A more recent development is finding out my fiance holding me is another thing that helps calm me, or if were home having her lay and put her weight on me.
I know its human nature to want to talk about things, and believe me I will want to talk about things after I’m through with the meltdown. For me I need a bit of distance, and then I can talk – and often when people are forceful about trying to help it causes me to alienate myself more causing bigger issues.
If Your Autistic: What helps you in the middle of a meltdown?
If You Know An Autistic: How have you helped an autistic successfully in the middle of a meltdown?
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
My son also needs space during/right after a meltdown. Once he’s in full meltdown talking to him or asking him questions is the worst thing I can do. I believe for him it is also about too much input from the outside world. He will sometimes lash out physically, but in a way that makes it obvious that he’s not trying to hurt me…he just doesn’t know what else to do.
Singing helps him. Hiding under his blankets helps him. Crying without me trying to stop him helps also. If he’s not too far into meltdown and he can understand directions, asking him if he wants to go ride his bike (favorite activity) can help him avoid melting down.
Definitely, getting away from the problem/irritant is the first step.
It’s difficult to learn to recognise the triggers because meltdowns are essentially “overloads”. You’re never quite sure exactly how much stress your system can take before it goes into meltdown. The descent is often sudden and unpredictable – it takes US by surprise just as much (perhaps more so) than those around us.
When I was a child, the remedy was to hop on my bike and pedal away. I’d often be gone for hours but during the time I was pedalling, I’d be calming down. When you’re with people however, it’s far more difficult and sometimes, there’s just nowhere to run.
This was a wonderful description of what happens to me.
I finally have answers after 40 plus years. Generally it’s someone’s tone of voice that pushes me over the edge combined with noises.
I am getting better at removing myself before I say something I would regret – however I wish I could stop the meltdown all together – at least now I’m aware – and can try to work on minimizing the damage – I liked the suggestion of carrying something with me to touch to calm myself –
narrah
I have posted recently about my son but I also have adevelopemental disability similar to aspergers or PDDNOS, and one of the traits I share with that is meltdowns, I will have to retreat to a quiet, dark place, or if not possible then its garunteed I will meltdown
My mom seems to be under the impression that I do not get meltdowns any more, because I have not been getting them that frequently. I definitely have one at least every 2 years, and they are almost always do to having too much schoolwork or getting yelled at by my parents. I really hate being yelled at. I would much prefer to fall off of my bike and get a nasty bruise than to hear my mom explode at me.
A couple times this summer, my mom has been calling me “crazy” for getting overloaded by her stress when she was trying to her way around my college campus at night (because my brother selfishly insisted that she drove him to his place 60 miles away, she came back having to drive me at my summer orientation by 9:00) and when we were having a hard time getting the financial aid info organized.
There are no moments worse than those when both you and your parents are stressed over a situation, and both of you get into meltdowns and say very mean things to each other. Yet my mom still does not seem to understand that just because I don’t have kids and money to keep track of, that does not mean my life is easy! And it really scars me that she would ever call me crazy or stupid when clearly I am not either.
I have definitely come a long way, though. I have been pretty good at keeping my cool around the kids I have worked with, and avoided losing my temper even though I had to walk through constipated hallways to class every day. Hopefully I will be lucky enough to receive a single occupancy dorm room so I do not feel imprisoned by 27/7 socialization.
Growing up like I did, I had to learn how to supress things to stay alive. So I go long periods without melting down. I can go years. But when it happens, for me it is alwys very angry and violent. Last time I went off I threw my tv stand across the room, as well as my sofa, broke every glass thing in the apartment, through out dresser drrawers and turned over the dresser and put some holes in the walls.
But also realize I have PTSD. When flashbacks occur, which are now long periods apart, I go into a meltdown afterwards. Though the last time I went off was after my dad had died. Sadness and other emotions in me alot of times comes out in anger, and as I suppress it for so long, when I go off, it’s really bad!!
I have heard it is uncommon for one to get as violent as I do durring that time. I lost a few hours last time, I came out of it dazed and not knowing what had just happened.
my partner becomes very aggressive and verbally abuses me during her meltdowns. i cant help but want to leave the room and give her space but this makes the trigger bigger and then she self harms or gets more aggressive. i know am doing wrong by wanting to leave the room but i cant help but get emontionally upset by her comments.
How can i stop this ?
thanks
“my partner becomes very aggressive and verbally abuses me during her meltdowns. i cant help but want to leave the room and give her space but this makes the trigger bigger and then she self harms or gets more aggressive. i know am doing wrong by wanting to leave the room but i cant help but get emontionally upset by her comments.”
Next time anyone tells you to suck it up because she can’t help it, remember what you said here: “i cant help but get emontionally upset by her comments.”
It’s OK for you to want to leave the room when she verbally abuses you!
It’s OK for you to not enjoy her comments!
It’s OK for you to feel upset when she verbally abuses you!
It’s OK for you to have a unique personality of your own!
“How can i stop this ?”
I wish I was better at giving advice about this, but I have looked up resources for dealing with verbal abuse in relationships and found these links: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22verbal+abuse+in+relationships%22+resources I don’t know enough about your own situation to be able to say which of these links are useful, however.
Is it safe and affordable for you to get out of the relationship?
My husband has become a pro at helping me during a meltdown. He says:
1. Stay calm. Don’t raise your voice just because I raise mine.
2. Don’t take it personally. You may feel like you have to take it personally because you are the only one in the room, but it probably isn’t you – just the world.
3. Make it quiet.
4. Dim the lights.
5. Make the temperature pleasant (I like it cool)
I can call him from work and tell him I am overstimulated, headed to out of control and when I get home he has the house cool and the bedroom very sensory friendly. He doesn’t talk, just sits there with me. If I talk or engage him, he responds. Otherwise he is just there form me.
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