Helping Kate through Pregnancy is such a difficult thing, she normally sometimes has a very hard time with very large decisions – and the hormones are just making it worse on her. Plus with me have Aspergers Syndrome, and Kate having Fetal Alcohol Syndrome its also a very difficult time as both have large impacts on our behaviors.
As Kate wrote earlier when announcing her pregnancy here she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome from her mother basically using alcohol and street drugs in an attempt to abort her. Kates a very scared woman right now, so much of the fear is irrational but to her its so real. She fears being like her birth-mother so much, even though she has never met her birth mother. She is also not sure if her heart can handle this, even though her cardiologist has assured her that they see no risk.
I have fears too, and I worry about my fears influencing Katelyn as well. Katelyn’s a small woman 5′2″ and 105 pounds. (47kg and 157cm tall for the rest of the world). I was a big baby – I don’t remember my exact weight but I think I was around 9 pounds or so, and I remember hearing that during labor my head started to deform so they had to go in for a cesarean section, which is something Kate fears a lot. I also fear for my mental well being, as this whole situation is very overwhelming. Kates mental well being has me nervous as well.
Kate and I never really wanted kids in our future, but this has shown us really – that someday I want to have kids, I want to be a father – but today is not that day. Kate feels the same way, and shes starting to realize she would be an excellent mother. When you have a disability its hard not to think about how your disability is going to effect the pregnancy, and how differently the pregnancy will effect you – even when you are the father and not the mother. I’ve been learning so much about myself in this last week, how immature I’ve been being lately, how I must grow up really quickly – and how right now I need to be mature and responsible, because my decisions and actions don’t only effect me now, they effect an innocent life.
Now here’s a music video made by someone that is to a song that has really been speaking to me lately (yes the singing and instrument playing is really fake, but they did a good job).
Kate has taught me something, how therapeutic music is – and how God can use use music to speak to you.
And now I have a couple of questions:
For those disabled and going through a pregnancy, or have gone through one – what advice do you have for Kate and I to keep our fears at bay?
When has music really spoken to you?
