I have not slept at all in 3 days. Yes 3 whole days.
I have not slept at all since Saturday Night. I have nightmares when I do of Kate using a coat-hanger to abort the child, her holding a knive to her stomach. I can’t help but be angry at myself, I fell for a habitual liar, and someone who was in a relationship just for the attention, the drama and the sex. I should of read something more closely.
With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.
For those who do not know, that is Proverbs Chapter 7 (NIV). I’m starting to realize how she seduced me with her lies and smooth talk, and I fell for it. I can’t help but be angry at myself for falling for her smooth talk. I should of listened to friends, pastors and family who said she was an absolute drama queen (even her own mother said so). I remember having a talk with her father before I proposed and he even said she has a lot of issues and to expect a lot of trouble.
This girl has killed my heart, shes screwed up my head, because of what shes done I haven’t been able to sleep, I’ve started cutting and I’m severely depressed. Its most likely going to take years for me to recover because of Kate’s lies and smooth talk. I’m just very lucky to have friends who still aren’t falling for her smooth talk, and friends that are willing to say what is true and what is not – and there willing to go to court to point out how unstable Kate is, how much of a liar she has been.
And it also really pisses me off that she is calling my friends, saying I have no friends and can you come and hang out with me. Well lets see, the reason this person has no friends is because they manipulated, lied too and smooth talked every one of their friends. They are dragging their friends into court with their lies, just because they want attention or whatever their goal is.
What pisses me off even more is the fact shes thinking shes going to get away with these lies. She claims I never allowed her to leave home without permission, yet many people saw me take her to softball games, church, womens groups and even pushing her to have alone time with her girlfriends. She claims I was forcing her to have sex with other people, yet the girl who she was planning on having sex with states a lot otherwise, including the fact that she always wanted too but was afraid because her mother and father would of hated her (her father absolutley hates gays and they have to hide one gay family member). There is so much more, and I’m debating posting it all publicly after the trial is over so people can see what I’m having to go through. She claims I never let her call her mother without permission, but I bought her a phone with unlimited minutes and pushed her to call or email her mother even though she was very angry with her mother (and other people saw that too). She claims I beat her, yet many people know she bit me quite severely before hand.
At this point after this is over I’m planning on suing her family for character defamation, legal fees, pain and suffering, the property the stole and lost time.
But in the mean time what can I do to get some sleep?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Be very careful Zach this is becoming an obsession and we Aspies don’t move past those easily. I understand that she hurt you and that she is not a good person but that is no reason to withdraw. You have a good support network (or at least it seems that way) rely on them. Get the help you need. In order to recover from this you must forgive her. That of course doesn’t mean you aren’t justified in seeking reparations however it does mean that you shouldn’t seek reparations out of spite but rather out of need. Use whatever you get to put your life back together. I may not be religious but I do remember that the lords prayer says something about forgiving those who have trespassed against us. I wish you well in your search for recovery. May your faith be an excuse to rise above her and move past her not an excuse to berate yourself and her.
I think she can pay for the stuff she stole, and a pretty good part of my college education.
Exercise might help with getting sleep. Lots of exercise. Or perhaps sedatives, for the short term, if exercise doesn’t help. I know they’re dangerous over the long term but going without sleep for a long time can be a lot worse. You can start to hallucinate if you’re not careful. Make sure you eat right, too.
With the trial, things will take longer, but with support you can turn this hell into months, not years. If this is the only time you’ve been had you just made a mistake. Anyone can make a mistake like that, once. How would you know what to look for? People like that aren’t everywhere. If you make the same mistake ten times, well, that’s different.