I thought I could keep fighting this, I thought I had hope still left. The truth is I have wanted to die since this all started in June. I have held on to the hope that this would one day be cleared up. I tryed to be patient, I tried to be as loving as I could be.
There is nothing I can do to prove to people I did not do these horrible things, and I can no longer live with the fact that everyone that matters thinks I did these horrible things. I’m going to loose my child now – and that kills me inside.
Its over, I can no longer fight when there is no hope.
I assure you I have selected a painless way to die. I also assure you its what I want, and its whats best for everyone inlcuding our child. If me as the horrible person I’ve been made out to be is gone, atleast the child will be able to stay with one of us.
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Your too self centered to kill yourself. You do this when you feel you need to control something that you feel is getting out of your control. Sooner or later, you will realize that these false “cries of wolf” will no longer effect others because people will become fatigued with this act.
YOU Sir, are what I like to refer to as a complete and utter wank……posting messages like this to a person who’s in emotional crisis, bit self-centered in itself…..
But hey!!! I’m a big man, I can slag off someone in their lowest ebb!! look at me!!!
God help any loved ones in your family should they feel that way, will you just tell them they’re crying wolf as well?
Oh, and btw implying someone is an attention-seeker who ‘cries wolf’ is tantamount to egging them on, you’ve given them a choice: be a coward, or just kill yourself……keep your Wiki-Psychology 101 to yourself.
Actually, it’s not even Wiki Psych 101 to do that: it’s plain fucking bullying. JJ is a waste of time and effort trying to educate. JJ’s made sure of that.
Well if this post appears I will know you have not done it yet.
I have thought about it at various levels over the past and the best that can ever be said is that it is indefinately postponed.
I have got really serious about it and though I had the most painless and romantic method, and but for my brothers intervention I would have gone through with it.
Never mind the pain, I think these days I would rather take the pain and make my death count. As I implied earlier hindsight is a wonderful thing if you can make it that far.
The problem with failure is that you can be a failure at suicide too, on the other hand you only get the chance to do it properly once, I would suggest if you feel that bad you leave the attempt alone, you should never throw your life away when you are down, wait a while and see if it still seems sensible, it usually does not.
Please, don’t do anything rash. I’ve been very close to suicide in the past, and believed that my loved ones would be better off without me, but it really is possible for things to change for the better even in horrible situations- if you’re still alive. Laurentius Rex is right- let a little time pass so that you can think things through. Give yourself some time to relax and get calmer. It’s dangerous to make important decisions when overcome with emotion, especially one that you will never get a chance to change your mind about. Please don’t do this.
JJ your a prick. I know kate and zach very well. They have been trying their hardest to straighten out this mess – but neither one has been able to sit down with the other to get it straightened out.
Zach has been suicidal for months now. The only thing that kept him going is the hope he would be there for his kid one day. He didnt want his kid thinking his father killed himself because of it. Something happened today that made him loose that hope. My guess he has figured out that Kates guardian and case manager have mad it apparent that the relationship with kate and raising the child together is a lost cause.
I am worried about Zach. I’m also worried about Kate as it seems her guardian has taken away her ability to communicate with friends.
Even more concerning… comment moderation has been disabled.
Zach, please don’t do anything rash. Do you have anyone to talk to?
Ari,
Zach does not have much support right now. His church has left him, his family has never really been there for him. Kate and her mother were the biggest supports he had in ages.
Firstly, JJ… go boil your head. Seems you can do nothing useful with it so go and cook it in very hot water for a very long time. See if it improves your ability to think.
Secondly, Zack… hopefully you’re not gone yet… as Larry says, with suicide, you get one chance only to do it right. Fuck it up the first time and the consequences would be with you for longer than you’d want them. And that could actually be worse than things are now.
Thirdly… Kate’s guardian (if you can be arsed to read this)… who the fuck died and made you God? Your job is to support and enable; you’ve done exactly the bloody opposite… you power-mad bastard… I hope you’re satisfied now. You should boil your head as well. Seems you’re as incapable of empathy as JJ is of thinking.
Fourthly, to whomever-the-fuck it is who makes decisions on situations like Zack and Kate’s … well, looks to me like you made a total bollocks, doesn’t it? because of you and your unbelievable lack of skill and judgment, three lives at least have been ruined. Way to fucking go!
America, you’re great at fucking things up… Bay of Pigs, Vietnam, Iraq… and even at home too; let’s see you do something bloody right for once and get some healing going on AT HOME IN AMERICA before you lose Zack here. If you haven’t lost him already.
This situation makes me feel sick. A country with all that frigging money cannot manage to use it to make people’s lives BETTER and not WORSE? How fucking pathetic is that?
I’m sorry, but did you just compare the Zach and Kate situation to veitnam and the bay of pigs? Now that’s just ridiculous! Where our system may have faults, it is in place and Zach does have resources at his disposal. The difference is, the system seems to be telling Zach to do something he doesn’t want to do, which is remove himself from this extremely volitale situation. Help isn’t just getting what you want. I wish Zach and Kate the best, but at some point in time Zach needs to decide if he should move on to another chapter in his extrodinary life, or continue in this mess with Kate and her Family / gourdian. In the meantime Mr. Andrews M. Ed, keep cashing those billions in US aid your country gets and quit bashing what is, without question, the Greatest Country in the world! Or at least make realistic compaisons! Cheers!
Zach – I am glad to see you are ok! My prayers continue to be with you and Kate and your child!
Brett,
Obviously you don’t know much about the situation.
Has anyone heard anything from Zach?
no.
and it is worrying. he’s been feeling suicidal for months.
Hes been talking to Ari, apparently.
Hopefully Ari will get him some help.
I fucking hope so too.
He’s so-called support services have been about as useful as these arse-holes in Finland, and that’s pretty bad. Kate’s guardian is behaving like a little tin god and causing more shit than they are cleaning any up; that’s a guardian who should be fucking sacked. Kate’s mum’s – from what I’ve read – been a stirring piece of turd-waste who’s done more to inflame matters than soothe them.
Between them all, those whose first priority with both Zack and Kate have failed in their duties of care, and this is fucking sickening. Like I said, because of those people, three lives are going to be fucked up. Very fucked up, indeed.
I just found this website today and have found a wealth of good information here.
I can’t believe I have just read this….
Zach, I am very new and don’t know your situation, I’m sorry. I truly hope you have thought things over though. However, by just posting your video, you could make things worse for yourself. I don’t mean that in a mean way at all, just trying to help you from getting yourself in trouble.
If you are still here I hope to God and all that is oly that you will listen to me. If you have read my post yesterday, you know what I told you about what happened to me.
I know what it is to have nothing left. To feel nothing at all, to be an empty shell, a walking corpse feeling nothing, wanting nothing, and death looking pretty good.
I had no reason to believe I could ever leave that hell, that things would ever get better, and I thought eventually the mad man would suceed, so better by my hand and more merciful than his.
But I am a fighter, and from your posts, I feel you are to. I know there seems nothing to fight for, but I am telling you, YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU!!!
When I lost my dad, my world came crashing down around me. Nothing has been able to fill the whole. But I have the lessons he taught me, the wonderful memories he left me, and I am greatful for every day that I had with that brilliant man.
You may see no hope in ever seeing your daughter, but don’t you give up! Please, she needs to have those memories too! She needs to know that her dad cares, she needs to know that no matter how bleak and hopeless the situaction, that you never gave up fighting for her!
If for no other reason, stay, for your daughter. SHE NEEDS YOU!!! I still need my father, I miss him every single day. You have no idea how much a father means to his daughter. Do not take away your daughter’s dad!!
Remember a long while back when I advised to put all your focus on her and shut out all else? I offer that advice again! It is SHE that matters now. Keep your eyes on her and on God, and shut out all else. She is your reason to keep breathing, keep fighting, keep working through each day.
You may not believe me but I understand how painful and bleak and hopeless it seems to keep breathing, to keep going on when you are locked in the 9th circle of Hell and can’t climb your way out, but it is possible.
I am living proof. I should have been dead many times over. I spent nearly a decade of my life being raped, beaten, and tortured with no way out and no one there to save me. (It taught me the grim but useful lesson that there is no one to come save me but me which has helped me on many occasions)
But somehow, I kept breathing. I kept reaching. I kept my eyes upward and my sword in hand and I battled through all the trials life sent my way. And getting out of that nightmare has not been the end of it I can ensure you.
But I got out alive, and because of my pain, many people have been saved, protected, and strengthened. Please continue the fight! Please don’t put down the sword! You have what I never had, someone to live for, someone to fight for! Don’t give up, for her sake!!!
If you ever need someone to talk to, please, I have been through nightmares too, and it helps to speak to one who has been there and came out the other side. My email is tlynndaniels@gmail.com. I have a myspace to but can’t think of the link off the top of my head.
Please, I shall be getting in at around 8 this evening, send me an email, I want to help you if I can! PLEASE!!
(Feel free to remove the personal info, as it is for your use, but please use it, something tells me I can help you, I can’t explain it…)
May the Lord bless thee and keep thee
May the Lord shine his contenance upon thee
And give thee peace.
I have a poem for you. It was found scratched into the walls on one of the Nazi Concentration Camps. I hope it brings you strength.
I believe in the Sun
even when it is not shining
And I believe in love
even when there’s no one there.
And I believe in God
even when He is silent
and I believe through every trial
there is always a way.
But sometimes in this suffering
and hopeless despair
my heart cries for shelter
to know someone’s there.
But a voice cries from within me
Saying hold on my child!
I’ll give you strength
I’ll give you hope, just stay a little while
I believe in the Sun
even when it is not shinning
and I believe in love
even when there’s no one there
And I believe in God
even when He is silent!
And I believe through every trial
There is always a way.
May there someday be sunshine
May there someday be happiness
May there someday be love
May there someday be Peace!
I’m fine. Going on a road trip for a week or so. Need to be away
I’m prolly ending it with Kate
I don’t believe this. I don’t believe you just decided you were OK. I think you are planning something. You need to ask for help-even if you call 911.
I’m not okay, but sitting here doing nothing is not doing anything but making it worse
Glad you’re still with us, Zach. A road trip can be a good way to clear one’s head.
Welcome back Zach, you had me really worried there. Yes a road trip works wonders for clearing the mind.
I’m with Dave and Larry there … get away from things and clear your head. Don’t jump too soon on the Kate issue… she’s probably had her life and head messed with as much as you have, from what I have read… see how things feel when you get back from it, yeh?
TTYL, man…
Words are cheap, saying that you understand what someone is going through might be true, then again it is not necessarily comforting for the one who is going through it right now. But I can say this, when a relationship goes wrong it really does something inside.
No point pretending your ok when you are not, but whatever you do keep talking about it and ignore the Arseholes of this world.
Good to know! Just take care of yourself, alright man? Things get hard, no one knows better than this chick, but you can make it through. My brain is offically flush due to having a long day, I hoped to not offend, and I hoped to have helped, if only a little bit. *hugs to all but the mean people*
Theophano
Please be strong… Things will get better eventually.
“It’s a long road that has no turning,
It’s never to late to mend,
The darkest hour is before the dawn
and even this war will end.”